Who We Are
All family and friends of compulsive gamers welcome
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83671786251
Meeting ID: 836 7178 6251
One tap mobile
+13017158592,,83671786251# US (Washington DC)
+13126266799,,83671786251# US (Chicago)
Dial by your location
+1 301 715 8592 US (Washington DC)
+1 312 626 6799 US (Chicago)
+1 646 558 8656 US (New York)
+1 253 215 8782 US (Tacoma)
+1 346 248 7799 US (Houston)
+1 669 900 9128 US (San Jose)
Meeting ID: 826 013 5782
Find your local number: https://us02web.zoom.us/u/k0jt3FGFs
All family and friends of compulsive gamers welcome
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83671786251
Meeting ID: 836 7178 6251
One tap mobile
+13017158592,,83671786251# US (Washington DC)
+13126266799,,83671786251# US (Chicago)
Dial by your location
+1 301 715 8592 US (Washington DC)
+1 312 626 6799 US (Chicago)
+1 646 558 8656 US (New York)
+1 253 215 8782 US (Tacoma)
+1 346 248 7799 US (Houston)
+1 669 900 9128 US (San Jose)
Meeting ID: 826 013 5782
Find your local number: https://us02web.zoom.us/u/k0jt3FGFs
Gamers Find A Local Support Group
Use the link below to get more information about local groups and a notification when a local meeting is started. Due to the COVID pandemic, most meetings are currently held in an outdoor setting or online.
Oregon | Contact |
Bend, OR | bend@cgaa.info |
Eugene, OR | eugene@cgaa.info |
Medford, OR | medford@cgaa.info |
Portland, OR | portland@cgaa.info |
Salem, OR | salem@cgaa.info |
SUPPORT FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS
What Can I Do?
Video gaming is a common pastime. To many people, it is surprising that it can become a serious addiction, that is, an activity that is engaged in compulsively, without control or concern for consequences.
Video gaming addiction is a very serious problem that is harmful to everyone it touches. Since everyone involved suffers from it, everyone involved needs some help. Here are some important things to know.
First, no one is responsible for someone else’s compulsive gaming. As the Al-Anon slogan goes, “I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it.”
You didn’t cause it.
Some people partly blame themselves for the dysfunctional behavior of their family members, particularly with addicts who are very quick to shift responsibility off themselves and blame others. Perhaps you played games with your loved one, purchased games, or encouraged it, thinking it was a harmless leisure activity. Maybe you’ve been involved in some conflict and wonder if that has driven him or her to hide away in gaming. But no one is responsible for another person’s behavior or mental disorders.
You can’t control it.
You may have already tried to talk to your friend or family member. Perhaps you have bargained with them, or given ultimatums. You have tried to help them see what damage they are doing to themselves and others. And none of it has worked. This is baffling to you. Why don’t they seem to understand or care? Why can’t they see what is obvious to you? This is actually a symptom of the disease of addiction, one that destines efforts for control to failure.
You can’t cure it.
We all would like to believe that we have the ability to help those we love. We often think that if we can just get the right information, figure out the right thing to say or do, perhaps change something about ourselves, we can fix the problem. People should be able to solve their own problems. Why can’t we do that with this one? There is a simple reason. There is no cure for addiction. It requires treatment. The recovery process is long and difficult. And there is only one person who can start that process, the one who is gaming compulsively. There are things you can do. Here are some suggestions that you may want to consider, that other family members and friends have found helpful.
Get information.
The literature of recovery fellowships for family and friends of addicts (such as Al-Anon) has much helpful guidance, some of which is available online as well. There are people who have been in situations very similar to yours, who have learned much from them, and who are willing to share the lessons learned, their experience, strength and hope. We hope you avail yourself of such resources.
Detach with love.
Putting energy into arguing with someone who is playing compulsively will not help either of you. Your loved one has a serious problem that you are powerless to control or cure, and that they will not get help until they want it. As much as you love someone, you cannot force this process on another person.
Stop enabling.
Paradoxically, at the same time people are arguing with, bargaining with or shaming a compulsive gamer, they are often (perhaps without realizing it) supporting the addiction in many ways. Anything that shields an addict from the consequences of his or her behavior is enabling, and can include such basic things as providing food, shelter, money, companionship, housekeeping, and covering for employment and legal difficulties. Helping a compulsive gamer keep up an appearance of normalcy is helping him or her continue in the destructive behavior. While you cannot change him or her, you can make changes for yourself. You can shift your energy away from enabling behaviors and toward meeting your own needs.
Take care of yourself.
Whether or not your loved one ever stops gaming, you deserve to have a healthy and happy life. Once you have accepted that you are powerless over their gaming behavior, you can begin to focus on what you can do for yourself, to accomplish your own goals. With the help of others who have been where you are, you can learn to set healthy boundaries and stick to them.
Join our WhatsApp Chat Site for Family and Friends!
Game-Anon
WhatsApp Group Invite
Visit whatsapp.com/dl on your mobile phone to install.
By installing WhatsApp, you agree to our Terms & Privacy Policy.
Chat Using A Macintosh
Mac OS X 10.10 and higher. WhatsApp must be installed on your phone.
By clicking the Download button, you agree to our Terms & Privacy Policy.
Download for Windows 8 and higher (64-bit)
Download for Windows 8 and higher (32-bit)
One of the things we were trying to do with our gaming was meet some basic needs. If we do not meet those needs in normal healthy ways, we will suffer much stronger urges to game again. Some basic needs to cover are social needs, self expression, creativity, a sense of challenge and accomplishment, stress relief, a sense of purpose and meaning, and a sense of safety through control and predictability.
Here are some ideas for activities that will help meet these needs, reduce cravings, help with recovery from addiction, and fill some of the hours freed from compulsive gaming.
Please don’t let the length of this list overwhelm you. The idea is not to start ten new things and try to change everything all at once. We seek small bits of progress, not perfection. A good place to start is to put first things first. What need is currently most important? What’s right in front of me? What opportunity has come my way recently? If we take steps of small improvement with one or two areas each day, we are moving in the right direction.
Stress Relief
- Talking with a sponsor or recovery buddy, CGAA meetings, or step work
- Getting outside for fresh air and sunlight by taking a walk or doing some outdoor work
- Meditation, coloring, craft work, journaling, or reading
Sense of safety through freedom, control, and predictability
- Goal setting
- Counseling or psychotherapy
- Home organization, renovation, or spring cleaning
Sense of purpose, meaning, and self-respect
- Supporting and growing the larger CGAA fellowship through service work like helping run a meeting, starting a local meeting, doing outreach to professionals, or attending CGAA business meetings
- Attending a spiritual group like meditation, yoga, spiritual retreat, or religious gathering
- Doing volunteer work like teaching, helping others, animal care, or building community places
- Caring for a pet, house plants, or garden
Social needs
- Attending CGAA meetings, connecting outside of meetings, reaching out to newcomers, or calling someone
- Joining a hobby group like theater, a hiking group, art workshop, book club, public speaking, board games or card game group
- Hosting a fun event like board games night or karaoke
- Playing team sports, taking up martial arts, or playing one-on-one sports
- Going to fun events like concerts, dances, or events on meetup.com
- Calling up, video conferencing, or visiting with friends, family, neighbors, or other communities
Self expression and creativity
- Journaling, opening up to a CGAA sponsor, or sharing openly in a meeting
- Art work like drawing, photography, sculpting, or creative writing
- Performance art like theater, singing, playing music, or writing music
Sense of challenge and accomplishment
- Working the steps with a sponsor
- Crafts like woodworking, origami, knitting
- Outdoor activities like gardening, geocaching, bird watching, star gazing, tracking, plant identification, survival skills, or boating
- Learning something like a foreign language, dancing, magic tricks, mechanical repair, cooking, a musical instrument, or computer programming
- Career goals like getting a new job, starting a business, enrolling in school, or taking classes
Reconnection to one’s body and whole self
- Meditating on breath, sounds, or bodily sensations
- Exercise like walking, hiking, swimming, cycling, yoga, jogging, going to a gym, or playing a sport
If you are in your first week or two off of games, it’s likely that few of these ideas will appeal to you. That’s normal. Until our minds and bodies have some time to heal, we have low interest, energy, and motivation. This list will probably not give you something that you can plug in place of video games and immediately throw yourself into with the same zeal. This list is meant to help us explore new ways of spending our time, meeting our needs, and connecting with people. Find a few that hold some appeal and try taking some small steps in their direction. If you can’t seem to think of anything fun to do except game, you can come back to this list, find the most appealing thing, and just take a couple of little steps in its direction.
Consider setting reminders for yourself or keeping a schedule of your time and new activities. It is important to appreciate the small victories of exercising willpower, regaining motivation, and socializing. It helps to discuss our progress and the challenges we experience with a CGAA sponsor, recovery buddy, personal counselor, or therapist.
Rediscovering What is Fun
It is normal to think that nothing but gaming sounds fun. For most of us, our years of compulsive gaming warped and narrowed our idea of fun. As small children, it meant almost anything new or interesting or social or even mildly rewarding. Years of pulling the dopamine lever with video games changed our concept of fun to require instant gratification, frequent rewards, clear and constant progress, excitement, intense visuals, control, and/or predictability.
Part of recovery is letting our concept of fun expand back outward to a wide world of possible new challenges and experiences, many of which are calm and subtle compared to video games. It takes time to overcome withdrawals and heal from the damage, but the change does happen if we abstain from all gaming long term and focus on new pursuits and improving our lives. This list has many activities that do not meet the old, narrow, warped idea of “fun,” but those of us who persist at exploring them do find many to be gratifying and enjoyable.
Take, for example, a hike up a mountain. To a group of hikers excited to venture into the wilderness with friends and see wildlife and panoramic views from on high, all while getting a great workout, it’s a ton of fun. To someone who is uninterested in hiking, out of shape, and focused on every little unpleasant aspect of it, it’s a torturous death march. It is exactly the same hike in either case. The difference is in the attitude and conditioning.
The same is true with every item of these lists. Whether or not an activity sounds fun or torturous depends entirely upon attitude and conditioning. Every one of them has the potential to be gratifying and enjoyable if we adopt a positive attitude, try to have fun, and persist at it, especially when we involve friends and like-minded people.
Helpful fellowships and resources
While CGAA does not endorse and is not officially connected with the following groups, we believe that friends and family may be able to connect with others and find helpful resources. They can provide guidance on dealing with addiction in general, on healing from its effects, and on how to go about building a recovery fellowship. Meetings are available in many places. Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and CoDA each has its own recovery literature.
The Gamer-Anon fellowship is for parents, spouses, and other family to support each other in dealing with compulsive video gaming within the family.
The Al-Anon fellowship has existed since 1951 for the family and friends of alcoholics. As the oldest and most well attended of the fellowships for family and friends, its members have a wide breadth and depth of experience to share on living with addicts and healing from the ill effects and dysfunctional patterns.
The Nar-Anon fellowship has existed since 1968 for the family and friends of those suffering from addiction.
Co-Dependents Anonymous has existed since 1986 and is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships.