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First, at the top of the list: SAMHSA Disaster Helpline and similar links.
Next in the list: Bundled “All Day” Events for organizations with events happening at multiple times throughout the day and/or in many formats or locations; these are bundled into a single listing to prevent endless scrolling. Usually these offer a lookup by zip code or other criteria.
Lastly, Time-Specific Events listed by start time from 12:01am early morning to 11:59pm late night. Warmlines and places east of Oregon’s time zone tend to start earlier (e.g. 4am in Oregon is 7am in New York).
Resources for Families and Children Facing Tragic Events
Racial Stress – Racism – Hate Crimes
Helpful Resources to Address the Mass Shooting in Uvalde, Texas
Many thanks to Michelle Zabel, MSS, Assistant Dean, and Director, The Institute for Innovation and Implementation, for compiling this list of resources in response to the horrific mass shooting in Texas earlier this week.
Helping Young People Cope With Mental Health Challenges
Vox Media’s NowThis is linking arms with Ken Burns and PBS to share an upcoming documentary titled “Hiding in Plain Sight: Youth Mental Illness.” Scenes from the forthcoming film will be shared across NowThis social platforms throughout Mental Health Awareness Month in May. NowThis will host a live TikTok conversation about the topic, as well. The goal, Burns said, is “to get this material out to young people around the country.” The film itself will debut at the end of June on PBS.
Uplift by Youth Era: Teaching Youth Peer Support Skills
More than 500 youth signed up for the most recent Uplift event! Studied by the University of Oxford and co-designed with young adults, Uplift by Youth Era is the future of peer support. Empower a young person in your life to be who they need, and apply to join the next Uplift training in June!
Randolph “Randy” Muck September 14, 1955 to April 21, 2021 in Memoriam
On the first anniversary of his death, several of us who knew and worked with Randy write this tribute to remember and honor his impact on so many people. Randy provided much-needed leadership from within the federal government to develop and disseminate evidence-based substance use treatments designed for adolescents and their families. He was successful because he had a rare ability to connect with all the groups important to improving adolescent treatment: provider organizations, schools, juvenile justice, counselors, federal agency decision-makers, researchers, private foundations, and most importantly—adolescents and their families. He saw how these groups could align their different interests and collaborate. This, in turn, helped youth, families, and systems of care in ways that continue to have an impact.
HHS Awards Nearly $25 Million to Expand Access to School-Based Health Services The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), through the Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA), recently announced nearly $25 million will be made available to improve and strengthen access to school-based health services in communities across the country. Awards will support local partnerships between schools and health centers to provide children and youth with the comprehensive physical and mental health care they need.
Investing in Prevention Makes Good Financial Sense Primary prevention—including screening and intervention before negative health outcomes occur—is relatively inexpensive. The higher-risk behaviors it is designed to reduce are so costly to the healthcare system that it is staggeringly wasteful not to make sure that screening and treatment referrals are readily implemented and faithfully reimbursed by insurers and that interventions are convenient for parents and their children.
PAX Good Behavior Game Speaking of prevention…
The PAX Good Behavior Game is an evidence-based universal preventive intervention applied by teachers in the classroom. This evidence-based practice consists of research-based strategies with origins in behavioral science, neuroscience, and cultural wisdom that operate together to improve children’s self-regulation. Teachers implement these strategies as part of their daily routines in carrying out tasks such as getting students’ attention, selecting students for tasks, transitioning from one task to the next, working as part of a team, limiting problematic behavior, and reinforcing pro-social behavior.
HHS Launches New Maternal Mental Health Hotline
The Maternal Mental Health Hotline is a new, confidential, toll-free hotline for expecting and new moms experiencing mental health challenges. Those who contact the hotline can receive a range of support, including brief interventions from trained culturally and trauma-informed counselors and referrals to both community-based and telehealth providers as needed. Callers also will receive evidence-based information and referrals to support groups and other community resources.
Six Things You Need To Know About Music and Health A growing body of research suggests that listening to or performing music affects the brain in ways that may help promote health and manage disease symptoms. More justification for the plethora of music videos posted in Friday Update!
Going Digital: Behavioral Health Tech Aaahhhh!!! Less than 20 days!!! Well? Have you registered for the 2022 Going Digital: Behavioral Health Tech summit on June 8-9th yet? Can’t make it? Wondering if you can access all of the sessions with our hundreds of speakers after June 8-9th? YES, but ONLY if you register in advance. So, you should probably get on that.
Building a More Equitable Juvenile Justice System for Everyone Racial inequities regarding the policing of children, and the subsequent disparities in their treatment within the juvenile justice system, have been problems in this country for far too long. It is encouraging that many states and counties are not only recognizing these issues but are taking action. The CSG Justice Center is committed to providing research-driven, data-informed solutions to our partners to continue building safer and stronger communities for everyone, especially our youth.
Disruptions to School and Home Life Among High School Students During the COVID-19 Pandemic — Adolescent Behaviors and Experiences Survey, United States, January–June 2021 Young people have experienced disruptions to school and home life since the COVID-19 pandemic began in March 2020. From January to June 2021, CDC conducted the Adolescent Behaviors and Experiences Survey (ABES), an online survey of a probability-based, nationally representative sample of U.S. public- and private-school students in grades 9–12. ABES data were used to estimate the prevalence of disruptions and adverse experiences during the pandemic, including parental and personal job loss, homelessness, hunger, emotional or physical abuse by a parent or other adult at home, receipt of telemedicine, and difficulty completing schoolwork. Prevalence estimates are presented for all students by sex, race and ethnicity, grade, sexual identity, and difficulty completing schoolwork.
CDC Survey Finds the Pandemic Had a Big Impact on Teens’ Mental Health According to a survey published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than four in 10 teens report feeling “persistently sad or hopeless” during the COVID-19 pandemic. Girls were twice as likely to experience mental health troubles compared to boys. And LGBTQ students were hit the hardest. The CDC’s findings were gathered from online surveys from a sample of 7,700 US students during the first six months of 2021.
New Initiative to Define Policy Recommendations for Embedding Equity into 988 The Kennedy-Satcher Center for Mental Health Equity & Beacon Health Options are joining forces to create and develop an equitable crisis response for the future of behavioral health service delivery ahead of the July 2022 launch of 988.
State Policymakers Can Support Equitable School-based Telemental Health Services This brief presents five ways state policymakers can support equitable school-based telemental health services, with recommendations based on relevant policy context, existing research, and—in some cases—feedback from interviews with five TMH providers who testified to on-the-ground experience with these interventions.
In times of community or world-wide crisis, it’s easy to assume that young children don’t know what’s going on. But one thing’s for sure — children are very sensitive to how their parents feel. They’re keenly aware of the expressions on their parents’ faces and the tone of their voices. Children can sense when their parents are really worried, whether they’re watching the news or talking about it with others. No matter what children know about a “crisis,” it’s especially scary for children to realize that their parents are scared.
Some Scary, Confusing Images
The way that news is presented on television can be quite confusing for a young child. The same video segment may be shown over and over again through the day, as if each showing was a different event. Someone who has died turns up alive and then dies again and again. Children often become very anxious since they don’t understand much about videotape replays, closeups, and camera angles. Any televised danger seems close to home to them because the tragic scenes are taking place on the TV set in their own living room. Children can’t tell the difference between what’s close and what’s far away, what’s real and what’s pretend, or what’s new and what’s re-run.
The younger the children are, the more likely they are to be interested in scenes of close-up faces, particularly if the people are expressing some strong feelings. When there’s tragic news, the images on TV are most often much too graphic and disturbing for young children.
“Who will take care of me?”
In times of crisis, children want to know, “Who will take care of me?” They’re dependent on adults for their survival and security. They’re naturally self-centered. They need to hear very clearly that their parents are doing all they can to take care of them and to keep them safe. They also need to hear that people in the government and other grown-ups they don’t even know are working hard to keep them safe, too.
Helping Children Feel More Secure
Play is one of the important ways young children have of dealing with their concerns. Of course, playing about violent news can be scary and sometimes unsafe, so adults need to be nearby to help redirect that kind of play into nurturing themes, such as a hospital for the wounded or a pretend meal for emergency workers.
When children are scared and anxious, they might become more dependent, clingy, and afraid to go to bed at night. Whining, aggressive behavior, or toilet “accidents” may be their way of asking for more comfort from the important adults in their lives. Little by little, as the adults around them become more confident, hopeful and secure, our children probably will, too.
Turn Off the TV
When there’s something tragic in the news, many parents get concerned about what and how to tell their children. It’s even harder than usual if we’re struggling with our own powerful feelings about what has happened. Adults are sometimes surprised that their own reactions to a televised crisis are so strong, but great loss and devastation in the news often reawaken our own earlier losses and fears – even some we think we might have “forgotten”
It’s easy to allow ourselves to get drawn into watching televised news of a crisis for hours and hours; however, exposing ourselves to so many tragedies can make us feel hopeless, insecure, and even depressed. We help our children and ourselves if we’re able to limit our own television viewing. Our children need us to spend time with them – away from the frightening images on the screen.
Talking and Listening
Even if we wanted to, it would be impossible to give our children all the reasons for such things as war, terrorists, abuse, murders, major fires, hurricanes, and earthquakes. If they ask questions, our best answer may be to ask them, “What do you think happened?” If the answer is “I don’t know,” then the simplest reply might be something like, “I’m sad about the news, and I’m worried. But I love you, and I’m here to care for you.”
If we don’t let children know it’s okay to feel sad and scared, they may think something is wrong with them when they do feel that way. They certainly don’t need to hear all the details of what’s making us sad or scared, but if we can help them accept their own feelings as natural and normal, their feelings will be much more manageable for them.
Angry feelings are part of being human, especially when we feel powerless. One of the most important messages we can give our children is, “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hurt ourselves or others.” Besides giving children the right to their anger, we can help them find constructive things to do with their feelings. This way, we’ll be giving them useful tools that will serve them all their life, and help them to become the worlds’ future peacemakers — the world’s future “helpers.”
Helpful Hints
Do your best to keep the television off, or at least limit how much your child sees of any news event.
Try to keep yourself calm. Your presence can help your child feel more secure.
Give your child extra comfort and physical affection, like hugs or snuggling up together with a favorite book. Physical comfort goes a long way towards providing inner security. That closeness can nourish you, too.
Try to keep regular routines as normal as possible. Children and adults count on their familiar pattern of everyday life.
Plan something that you and your child enjoy doing together, like taking a walk, going on a picnic, having some quiet time, or doing something silly. It can help to know there are simple things in life that can help us feel better, in good times and in bad.
Even if children don’t mention what they’ve seen or heard in the news, it can help to ask what they think has happened. If parents don’t bring up the subject, children can be left with their misinterpretations. You may be really surprised at how much your child has heard from others.
Focus attention on the helpers, like the police, firemen, doctors, nurses, paramedics, and volunteers. It’s reassuring to know there are many caring people who are doing all they can to help others in this world.
Let your child know if you’re making a donation, going to a town meeting, writing a letter or e-mail of support, or taking some other action. It can help children to know that adults take many different active roles and that we don’t give in to helplessness in times of worldwide crisis.
What do we tell our children?
How do we reassure them of their own safety?
At The Dougy Center in Portland, Oregon, we’ve provided grief support groups for children, teens, young adults and their parents or adult caregivers since 1982.
Based on our experience, here are some things for adults to keep in mind as you struggle with how to talk with children following tragic events, such as natural disasters, plane crashes, or school shootings.
1. Don’t project your fears onto your children. They take their cues from the adults around them.
You can’t hear the news about children being murdered or communities devastated by natural disasters without thinking about how you’d feel if it happened to your family, friends, or hometown. The outpouring of care and empathy for the families who lost loved ones will be powerful, and…we all know it could have been our friends, our child, our family and community members who died or were injured.
Identifying with the senselessness and randomness makes us all feel more vulnerable. But we should remember that children don’t always see things the same way that adults do, and it won’t be helpful to them for us to fall apart. They need to see that we care, that we feel terrible about this tragedy, and that we will do everything we can to keep them safe. They will take their cues from our behavior.
It’s okay to show emotion. We can model for children that feeling sad, scared, and upset is normal after tragedies. But we don’t want to overwhelm them with our emotions, or put them in the position of having to ‘parent,’ or take care of, the adults around them. Make sure you also model taking care of yourself, by sharing with trusted and supportive adult friends, eating (and drinking) healthfully.
2. Try to limit their access to the recurring news and exposure to the tragedy over and over.
Over-exposure to the graphic and emotional news can be overwhelming for children and can cause unnecessary anxiety and fear. Some children who repeatedly watched the footage of planes crashing into the towers on 9/11 thought it was happening again and again. Some children (and some adults) may have difficulty getting graphic scenes and images out of their minds. Too much exposure can fuel their fear, so don’t let them sit and watch the news over and over. Better yet, set the example of not doing so yourself as well.
3. Understand that you can’t completely shield them from what happened.
It would be next to impossible to hide these events from children, as much as we wish we could. You might be able to shield your own child in your home, for example, by not turning on (or owning) a television, but you can’t protect your children from hearing about it from other kids. The fact is, they will hear about it, so although they don’t “need” to know about it, pretending we can shield them is magical thinking.
That said, you don’t need to give them more information than they can handle, or more than they’re asking for. A simple, “Did they talk about what happened in _____ today at school?” would be a good starter. They need to know that you’re not trying to hide the truth from them, that you’re open to talking about it, but that you’re also not forcing them to do so.
4. Model truth-telling and build trust with your children by letting them hear things, even hard things, from you directly.
Eight days after the 9/11 attacks, I was meeting in small groups with pre-school workers in New York City, talking about how to respond to the young children in their care about the events. A man asked to speak to me privately after one of the trainings, and asked for my advice around his 7-year-old daughter. For the last week, since September 12th, she had been having stomach aches and difficulty sleeping. He said it was not tied to the events of 9/11 because, “We don’t have a television.” As his story unfolded it was evident that he did not want to have to explain to his child why people would do such horrible things, a normal dilemma that we face as parents and adults. This child was experiencing physical reactions, as it turned out, not primarily because of her reaction to the events of 9/11, but because she was unable to share her fears and concerns and questions in her own home, faced with her parents’ denial.
Here are some principles to keep in mind as you talk with children:
1. There is no one typical reaction one can or should expect from children.
Their responses will vary all over the ‘emotional’ map, from seeming disinterest to nightmares, eating issues, and anxiety. How any specific child will respond will depend on their age, previous experience with death and loss, and their personality style. Fearful children will tend to worry; quiet children may keep their feelings to themselves; those who want to appear unfazed may exhibit a sense of bravado or lack of caring. Of course, children directly affected – those who had a family member die; those who witnessed the tragedy; those who had friends die – will tend to have longer-term reactions and needs. Watch for changes in behavior, or concerning trends. While it would be normal to have heightened anxiety and sleeplessness, any concerning behavior or troubling symptoms should be taken seriously, and if warranted, professional help sought.
2. Many children will have an increased sense of fear about their safety.
Understandably. So will many adults. After a shooting at an Oregon mall in December 2012, the news outlets were filled with people who said they’d never take their children there again. Others said they’d return as soon as it opened in order to support the stores and employees who had experienced the traumatic events, and whose livelihoods were going to suffer as a result of the several day closure. Some runners in the Boston Marathon vowed to return; others said they would never do so again.
While we can’t guarantee to our children that nothing bad will ever happen to them, we can provide assurance that these events are relatively rare, and that we will do everything we can to keep them safe. Children may have many questions about the events, particularly about natural disasters. Answer their questions with language that fits their developmental stage. It’s okay if you don’t know the answer to a question. If it’s a question that might have an answer, offer to look up more information. You can also ask children what they think the answer is as they often have thoughts and ideas they want to share with you. In the case of natural disasters, if your child is fearful of something like that happening in your community, talk with them about the safety plan that you have in place for your family and home. You can also look into what community safety measures are in place and whatever elements are relevant with your children. Many children will be reassured knowing that there are specific, tangible things they and your family can do if something occurs. Some examples include, picking a meeting place, keeping flashlights in every bedroom, talking about where you will keep emergency water and food.
3. Children want, need, and deserve the truth.
In over 30 years of providing grief support to thousands of children and teens at The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families, we have never heard a child say, “I’m glad I was lied to.” Many, however, struggle with anger and lack of trust toward parents or other adults who lied to them. When we don’t tell the truth, they learn that we cannot be trusted. As difficult as it can be at times, and as horrendous as the truth may be, children want, need, and deserve the truth. Being able to talk openly and honestly with your children about tragic events and other losses, creates a foundation of trust, enabling them to come to you in the future with their questions, fears, and concerns.
How race-related stress affects you and your relationship with your child
What effect does racism have on your health and well-being?
Not only does racism impact you as a parent, it can also impact how you interact with your children. Experiences of racism build on each other and can chip away at your emotional, physical and spiritual resources as a parent, contributing to race-related stress. Race-related stress can make it hard to have the space needed to take care of yourself as a parent, which reduces the emotional space you need to adequately take care of your children.
Physical Effects
Physical Effects can include increased hypertension, illness and risky behaviors such as substance use.
Emotional Effects
Emotional effects can include depression, anxiety, anger, irritability and aggression.
Spiritual Effects
Spiritual effects can include a decreased sense of purpose, lack of connection with the larger community, isolation from larger social groups and reduced involvement in communal activities that you enjoy.
Potential reactions to racial stress or trauma
Insecure Feelings
Feelings of shame and lack of confidence due to feeling that a situation cannot be changed.
Lack of Trust
Feeling detached or a lack of trust for others due to experiencing multiple losses or letdowns. This can make it very difficult to seek out help and to identify potential safe sources of support.
Triggers
Reminders of the event, such as particular people or situations, can also trigger strong emotional or physical responses (e.g., crying or rapid heartbeat).
Difficulty Controlling Emotions
Difficulty controlling emotional responses (going from “zero to one hundred”) can occur as the body helps you adapt to potentially unsafe situations, making you feel constantly on “alert.”
The body’s response to the experience of racism can make accessing resources to cope with the situation difficult. Race-related stress is unique in that it threatens psychological resources that are needed to cope and fulfill basic needs such as financial support, housing, access to jobs, etc.
When your body is in stress mode, it is geared up to help you and your child survive, which sometimes leads to impulsive decisions. If you live in a chronic state of stress related to racism, you can start to engage in survival coping. Survival coping can help you to deal with very hard or potentially life-threatening situations. However, if you continue to exist in this mode long-term, it can make it difficult to enjoy being in the moment with your child and can reduce your ability to feel safe and in control.
What impact can racial stress have on your parenting?
Experiencing race-related stress can also impact the quality of parenting relationships in the following ways:
Impostor syndrome
When you are exposed to racism repeatedly, you often start doubting yourself and can feel like you are an imposter in dominant culture settings or in settings where you feel as though you do not belong. Your inner thoughts might sound something like: “Am I being judged?” “Am I worthy?” “I got lucky.” “I only got this because I am Black.”
Being overly alert (hypervigilance)
Experiencing racial stress can make you more aware of potential dangers and negative experiences that can occur. This, in turn, can make the experience of parenting even more stressful. When you interact with your children, you can sometimes be reminded of negative race-related experiences that you had when you were a child. This reminder can amp up emotional responses, or hyperarousal, making it hard for you to “keep your cool” and be open to flexible problem solving.
“Helicopter parenting” (monitoring in fear)
These experiences of racism and unwarranted blame or lack of acceptance can make you want to protect your children so much, that you don’t allow them to explore in the way that they need to. You may shelter them from failures, which everyone needs to experience in order to learn how to manage everyday life. You may tend to be overly cautious or suspicious. Examples can include not allowing your children to have sleepovers or go to the park, even with your supervision.
Difficulty regulating emotions
When your past influences your emotional state, it can affect your emotional responses to both big and minor stressors with children, such as when they misbehave. This, in turn, can lead to being overprotective or overuse of physical discipline, as a means of survival.
For children, having parents who can keep perspective (stay cool) when children are upset, or misbehaving is very important. Likewise, it is important to stay calm when disciplining a child, otherwise discipline may go overboard. Both of these things can be hard if you are having difficulty controlling your emotions.
Avoidance
Avoiding situations that are related to racism can be a needed strategy to survive; such as instances that may involve violence or threat to yourself or your family. Sometimes you may avoid reminders of past experiences due to the pain or discomfort they cause.
If you find yourself avoiding strong feelings or situations with your child that bring up painful memories, it may make it hard to show affection and support for your child. It may even make it difficult to know how to provide emotional support for your child during times of stress. For instance, if your child brings up their own experience of oppression or an event in their life reminds you of something from your own childhood.
Mistrusting others
Racism can lead to distrust or mistrust of other communities. Internalized racism is when you begin to accept negative messages about your own abilities and inherent worth by the dominant group in society.
When you use society’s norms to judge yourself, you can feel depressed, unworthy and just not good enough. You are taught in many ways to take these feelings and paint them onto another group.
Intra and interracial violence, contention among disenfranchised communities or color, and the way the media conveys information about people of color, contribute to this.
This kind of coping can make you more vulnerable to racism, because on some level you may believe in racial hierarchy and difference when you belittle other groups. And when you show your children that it is right to discriminate against certain other groups, you make them more vulnerable to discrimination that they face.
Minimizing racism
Racism is overwhelming, as is the history of violence. You are sometimes taught that accepting this and minimizing racism is the only thing you can do. But when you ignore racism, and accept powerlessness, you encourage your kids to internalize racism. This can lead to increased levels of depression, anxiety and externalizing behaviors (e.g., engaging in risky behaviors, such as alcohol or substance use).
When you believe that you should be able to handle and manage it all without a break or without asking for help, you are at increased risk for health problems and can miss important cues about your well-being and safety.
Self-blame
Experiencing chronically unfair and dangerous discriminatory practices due to race can lead to feelings of low worth. For parents, this can also lead to a questioning of your parenting choices and abilities.
Unbalanced Racial and Ethnic Socialization (RES)
Unbalanced messaging or communication about race and ethnicity occurs when you only promote messages of mistrust, preparation for bias, or only give racial pride messages to your children.
Strategies to deal with racial stress and practice self-care.
So, what can you do to mitigate racial stress?
As parents, it is important to develop positive identities and share your cultural identities with your children. Positive cultural identity and advocacy are protective factors against racism, which can help to reduce and prevent racial stress.
There are many other ways to cope with stress and everyone has different preferences. Reducing stress can also allow you to model healthy coping strategies for your child. Here are some suggestions you can try.
Build or access a support network
Incorporate traditions at home
Get some exercise
Deep breathing
Journal
Limit your media intake
Counseling/therapy
Spirituality
Podcast
You are not the only person dealing with race-related stress and connecting with other people with similar experiences and feelings can help you to successfully navigate racism.
Talk with family and trusted friends specifically about racialized events that have occurred and how to handle them
Start or join a group with others who may have had similar experiences and similar interests, like a book club that reads books by Black authors, or spend time with other African American parents who have the same concerns you do about how your children are treated at the school.
Seek out activities that you can do with your friends or family (e.g., exercising, cooking, watching a family show or movie together, etc.)
Legislation
Much of the debate today is around gun control. Below are links to two bills currently pending in Congress.
Maternal Depression Support Groups and Educational Resources
On-line
Peer Support Groups & More! Postpartum
Support International (PSI) Weekly Support Groups: PSI facilitates a wide variety of postpartum support groups every week for diverse populations, and all family members.
PSI also staffs a non-emergency helpline for education and support: The number is 1-800-944-4773. PSI also offers a free peer mentor program where Mons or Dads can work 1-1 with a peer mentor once per week for up to 6 months.
Link to webpage for specific support groups, dates and times:
Free peer support groups and discussion forums, moderated by, “Well Mama,” for mothers and families on a wide variety of topics related to pregnancy and postpartum mental health.
People grieving a death often feel like no one understands what they’re going through. And truthfully, no one’s grief is exactly same. But people tell us the help they appreciate most comes from sharing with others who are also grieving a death.
Our children’s support groups are designed around age, type of death, and the connection to the person who died. Parent/adult caregiver groups run at the same time as the children’s support groups. Around 500 children and 350 adult family members come to our groups each month. Each person decides how long he or she wants to be at The Dougy Center.
In the groups, there is no right or wrong way to be. Nobody will tell you it’s time to move on. Or that an emotion you have is wrong or inappropriate. Here, through talking and listening, you’re free to find hope and comfort in your own personal way. Children can express themselves through play, music, art, games, and sharing.
Our unique approach, using peer group support to help people discover their own way through grief, has made The Dougy Center a worldwide leader in the field. More than 500 programs based on our model now thrive in the U.S., Canada, Africa, Australia, Europe and Japan. Our guidebooks assist parents, schools and others who deal with children affected by death, and our children’s activity books provide them an outlet for expression.
In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, The Dougy Center is hosting virtual support groups for our bereavement and Pathways programs. If your family lives in the Portland metro area and would like to participate, please call 503.775.5683 or email help@dougy.org.
At The Dougy Center we realize that:
Grief is a natural reaction to death;
Each individual has a natural capacity to heal from loss;
Duration and intensity of grief are unique to each individual; and
Caring and acceptance assist in the healing process.
Orientation lasts approximately one hour. During that time, adults and children/teens are broken into separate groups where we explain the program. Questions are answered, and everyone is given a tour. Children and teens watch a Dougy Center video produced by the TV program 20/20. The adults learn about how to have a child or teen begin participation at the Center and receive all the application forms. Coming to an orientation does not mean the child/teen becomes a participant. We encourage the adults to allow the children and teens to make the final decision for themselves.
LYGHT Groups – Listening and Led by Youth in Foster Care: Grief, Hope, and Transitions
At the core of the L.Y.G.H.T. program, we aim to raise awareness about how grieving youth in foster care experience marginalization on various levels, create ways to provide trauma-informed peer support to youth in foster care, and promote the importance of moving the child welfare community toward a grief-informed holistic model of care.
“It helps you to feel like you are not alone. They are also going through something as well and you can help each other.” – L.Y.G.H.T. program participant
These listings are provided for information only; they are not recommendations or endorsements.
Due to the COVID pandemic, many pet loss support groups have switched to virtual meetings via Zoom, Google, etc. This has made it possible for many groups to open their meetings to grieving pet owners anywhere in the world. Below, we list a number of support groups in the US that now offer their virtual meetings to anyone, anywhere.
While this list is organized by state for convenience, again, keep in mind that you do not need to be a resident of that state to attend. However, do keep in mind that different states involve different time zones; be sure to check not only the time but the zone of the meeting you wish to attend.
AZ: Hospice of the Valley’s Pet Loss Support Group meets on the first Saturday of every month from 9-11 a.m. Groups are virtual and open to anyone, anywhere, grieving the loss of a beloved companion animal. Please call 602-636-5390 for information and to obtain the link. info@hov.org,https://hov.org/our-care/grief-support/grief-support-groups/
CA: The Berkeley Humane Pet Loss Support Group now meets VIRTUALLY on the SECOND WEDNESDAY of each month, 7-8:30 pm. Send an email to Jill Goodfriend expressing an interest in attending the group. Jill will acknowledge your message and send you the Zoom link by 5 pm on the day of the meeting. Confidentiality requested for all shares. There is no fee; however, donations to the Berkeley Humane are most appreciated (2700 Ninth St, Berkeley, CA 94710). For questions, or to set up a complimentary consultation, contact Jill Goodfriend, RN, LCSW, at Jill.goodfriend@gmail.com. or (510) 393-1359. hhttps://berkeleyhumane.org/community-resources/, http://jillgoodfriend.com/Jill_Goodfriend/Home.html.
CA: Peninsula Humane Society Pet Loss Support Group, 1450 Rollins Road, Burlingame CA. Led by a professional counselor, our group meets virtually the second Thursday of each month, from 8-9:30 pm. Free. For more information, please contact Brian Probst at 650/340-7022, ext. 328, bprobst@phs-spca.org, https://phs-spca.org/grief/.
CO: Animal Assisted Therapy Programs of Colorado (AATPC) – Virtual Pet Loss Support Group, Fridays 12-1 MST. Free and virtual via Zoom. Open enrollment, join any time! Registration required on AATPC’s website. Open to anyone looking for support around the loss of an animal companion OR the anticipation of loss of an animal companion. All animal types welcome. Open to anyone in the world! Facilitated by Erin Peterson, licensed professional therapist. https://www.animalassistedtherapyprograms.org/animal-assisted-therapy-programs/therapy-groups/54-therapy-programs/380-virtual-pet-loss-support-group.
IL: Virtual Meeting sponsored by Gateway. We meet at 6:30 pm the third Monday of each month; free of charge to attendees. Facilitator: Joy Davy, MS, LCPC. For information, email joydavy723@gmail.com.
IL: Rev. Russell Elleven, DMin. This FREE pet loss support group meets the first Wednesday of every month at 8:00 pm (Eastern) via Zoom. Please visit the website and contact Russell for Zoom Link and Passcode.Rev. Russell Elleven, DMin is an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister who celebrates all faith traditions and those with no faith tradition at all. Everyone who is suffering from the loss of an animal companion is welcomed and offered nonjudgmental support through the FREE group or one-on-one (fee based) meetings. You need not suffer this loss alone. http://www.AnimalChaplain.net.
MA: Darin Humane Society, 171 Union Street, Springfield, MA, (413) 781-4000, Kenddv@gmail.com. This group, led by Ken Dolan-DelVecchio, LMFT, LCSW is sponsored by Dakin Humane Society. It is held once a month. It is a Zoom group open to anyone in the country or world and starts at 6PM EST running for one and one-half hours. The days can change so please go to https://www.dakinhumane.org/petloss.html to RSVP.
MA: Humane Hearts, West Newbury, MA 01985, 978.572.0698, marla@humanehearts.com, http://humanehearts.com. Individual, Family, and Group Support available for those who have experienced the loss of a pet or those who are anticipating a loss. See website for details as to where and when we meet. Sessions led by life-long animal advocate and humane educator Marla Andrews, M.Ed., Humane Education and Animal Welfare, Certified Grief Support Specialist, and Pet Chaplain.
MI: Micky Golden Moore, Ph.D., MSHP, Beyond The Paw Print Pet Loss Support Group. Meets the 2nd Monday of every month. For more information about these VIRTUAL meetings and how to join, please email info@beyondthepawprint.com, or leave a message at 248.701.2345. Visit the Beyond the Paw Print website to learn more about Dr. Golden Moore, the meetings, the BTPP Facebook group, and much more, at https://beyondthepawprint.com/.
NJ: Sandra Grossman, Ph.D., PetLoss Partners. The loss of a beloved pet is so very difficult. It’s important to know you don’t have to go through this alone. Get the support you deserve surrounded by those who understand and are on the path towards recovery. Virtual groups are held twice a week, are available to anyone anywhere, and are RSVP only. The fee for virtual groups is $15. Call or email to RSVP. We are here to support you. 818-421-1516, sandi@petlosspartners.org,https://petlosspartners.org/pet-loss-services/
OH: GAP (Grief About Pets) now offers two FREE pet loss groups. One is sponsored by Eternal Paws in Norton, Ohio, and offered on-site there on the second Wednesday of every month at 6:30 p.m. The other is sponsored by Faithful Companion and offered on the fourth Wed. of every month online using Google Meet at 6:30 p.m. If we have over ten pet parents register, we can offer another at 4:30 p.m. Brenda Brown, MA, Ft, is the facilitator of all the groups. Register by emailing brenda@griefaboutpets.com or calling 330-415-8879. https://griefaboutpets.com.
OH: Dorothy Hall, MS, RN, Pet Loss Support Group, Columbus, OH 43229, (614) 895-3416, djhall2451@att.net. Meetings held on Zoom; contact Dorothy for details.
OR: Debrah Lee, LCSW, DoveLewis Veterinary Emergency & Specialty Hospital, 1945 NW Petty Grove, Portland, OR 97209, (503) 228-7281, petloss@dovelewis.org. Virtual and in-person meetings are offered; see website for schedule and to register to attend. https://www.dovelewis.org/pet-owners/pet-loss-support.
TX: PAWs Shelter of Central Texas, 2965 Farm to Market 165, Dripping Springs, TX 78620, jyl@pawsshelter.org, https://heartoftexaspetlossandgriefsupport.com/. Group meets virtually on the Second Sunday of each month via Zoom, and is free of charge. Go through the website to contact facilitator for details, readings and the Zoom link. Group is for people ready to work in the group format, and is not appropriate for those needing individual counseling.
VA: FetchACure.org – Meets via Zoom on the first Tuesday of the month from 5:30-6:30 pm. Meetings are led by Dr. Leslie Greenberg, an experienced psychologist and member of the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. Families are invited to attend our group sessions to help work through the pain of losing a pet. All family members, including children, are invited to attend this complementary Pet Loss Support Group. Please RSVP here or by emailing amanda@fetchacure.org, https://fetchacure.org/resource-library/pet-loss-support-group/
VA: Holli Shan, Compassionate Animal Communication, LLC, (703) 447-5374, holli@compassionspeaks.com, https://compassionspeaks.com. We are now offering a virtual online pet loss grief support group. This group will meet on the last Wednesday of each month from 6:00PM to 7:00 PM Eastern Time. This is a good opportunity for people who are grieving and are not quite ready for a private session or program. While there is no set fee to attend, this group is “pay what you will” (suggested amount is $15). Register at https://info.compassionspeaks.com/register.
WA: Pet Loss Support Group, Seattle Animal Shelter – 2061 15th Avenue West, Seattle WA, 98119, 206-386-PETS, http://www.seattle.gov/animal-shelter/resources/pet-loss-support-group. The loss of a pet can be very difficult. Our volunteers are here to help. The Pet Loss Support Group meets by phone/Webex every Thursday from 5:30-6:45 p.m. For the schedule and details on how to join the virtual meeting, please email saspetloss@gmail.com
WI: Linda Colletti, Pet Loss Resource Center. Offers two virtual support groups: The first Saturday of every month 9:30-11:00 CST and the third Thursday 6Pm-7:30pm CST. All are welcome. If any one has questions, contact me at PLRCMadison@gmail.com, https://www.petlossresourcecenter.org/.
An association of pet loss counselors and professionals. The site offers links, articles, a bookstore, and directories of counselors and pet loss support groups.
I don’t usually post links to personal tributes, but this is a wonderful, moving example of how to plan a “parting day” and create a farewell event for one’s pet and family.
An excellent resource from pet loss counselor Marty Tousley. It offers an extensive collection of Marty’s articles and columns on grief, plus other resources.
This is a fabulous site with lots of resources. It offers free tributes, a means of keeping a pet loss or remembrance diary, and loads of quotes on pets and pet loss.
This is not a Christian site per se, but has some interesting comparisons of religious views on the issue, as well as a discussion of pets on the astral plane.
Information and advocacy regarding natural burials within pet cemeteries for those who prefer burial to cremation, and natural burial to underground entombment. They also address pet burials in family plots of (human) cemeteries.
Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Ectopic Pregnancy Support Groups
If you have suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or ectopic pregnancy and need an extra source of support, or if you wish to do something to help further miscarriage awareness, there is help out there. A number of nonprofit organizations around the world aim to spread awareness of pregnancy and infant loss and offer support services. Some are regional in focus but others have a national and even international reach. The following is a list of some of the major pregnancy loss awareness organizations.
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support
Steve Debenport/E+/Getty Images
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support was established in 1977 and has been active in numerous pregnancy loss advocacy and awareness activities including everything from promoting the rights of parents to bury their miscarried babies, to organizing support groups around the nation. The organization’s website contains a collection of support resources as well as a list of regional support groups. If no support group is in your area, Share can also advise you on how to start one
March of Dimes
The March of Dimes is one of the most well-known and well-established organizations focusing on pregnancy health. March of Dimes has a lot of information on the causes and possible prevention of premature birth, a leading cause of infant death, and it is involved in numerous advocacy efforts to drive research into ways to prevent birth defects and infant death.
As a start, every woman who is pregnant should be aware of the risk factors for premature birth as well as the signs and symptoms of premature labor.1
International Stillbirth Alliance (ISA)
The International Stillbirth Alliance (ISA) is a coalition of stillbirth awareness groups and organizations that work to promote stillbirth research and awareness of stillbirth. The group offers support resources for parents as well as information about ongoing research into stillbirth.
The Miscarriage Association
The Miscarriage Association is a UK-based support association that offers many resources to help families cope with miscarriage and to spread awareness of miscarriage. They use the general term miscarriage but include support for those who have had an ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy as well. The group has a network of support volunteers who can lend a listening ear
The miscarriage association also provides information to help people better understand everything from the tests done to look for a miscarriage, to information on “trying again” after your loss.
Sands
Sands stands for Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support. This group is based in the UK, but Sands has chapters in countries around the world. The group offers support to all individuals affected by stillbirth or loss of a newborn infant, and its website includes information on local groups and advocacy opportunities.
Sands also recognizes the importance of bereavement care,2 which has, unfortunately, been addressed to a less degree than the symptoms and treatment of pregnancy loss.
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is not exclusively focused on pregnancy loss but focuses on providing support for bereaved families who are grieving the death of a child. The group does offer information and support for pregnancy loss of any kind.
MISS Foundation
The MISS Foundation focuses on crisis support and other aid to families grieving the loss of a child. The group is not exclusively focused on pregnancy loss but is involved in a lot of activities related to miscarriage and stillbirth awareness, such as the MISSing Angels Bills that have been considered or passed in many U.S. states with the idea of granting parents the right to receive a state-issued certificate of stillbirth recognizing the loss of a baby to stillbirth.
Center for Loss in Multiple Birth (CLIMB)
The Center for Loss in Multiple Birth (CLIMB) offers support to parents who have lost babies in multiple pregnancies, including those who have lost all babies in the pregnancy as well as those who have lost one twin.
The site offers fact sheets aimed at dads, grandparents, siblings, and survivors as well as information about research into this type of pregnancy loss.
Helping After Neonatal Death (HAND)
Helping After Neonatal Death (HAND) is a California support group for late pregnancy loss and neonatal loss. Its website features fact sheets and information about local groups in northern California. The group also offers two in-person support groups as well as phone support for grieving parents.
Even if you are not a California native, the HAND website provides support, including letters addressed to parents, friends , and family, and even health care professionals who are facing the grief which accompanies stillbirth and neonatal death.
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust is a group sponsored by London’s King College Hospital. The website has information on the causes and treatment of ectopic pregnancy, as well as support forums. The group supports research into early diagnosis of ectopic pregnancy and means of prevention.
The website (of course, easily accessible to those outside the UK) has abundant resources with information on a number of topics surrounding ectopic pregnancy. It even has information for dad’s and ectopic pregnancy, recognizing the difficulties faced by those who are “so close but yet so far.”3
Tommy’s
Tommy’s functions as something of a UK-based March of Dimes equivalent. The group has information on how to have a healthy pregnancy and prevent any preventable stillbirths or preterm births. The group also supports research on miscarriage prevention and causes.
Warmline – TAPS – The Tragedy Assistance Program For Survivors – Military Survivor Helpline 800-959-TAPS (8277) – Grief Counseling
@ Phone
Please note this program is specifically designed for survivors grieving the death of a military loved one.
Individual grief counseling is important to many survivors in our grief journeys. The opportunity to sit one-on-one with a skilled therapist who understands grief and trauma can help you work through some of the hardest parts of your loss. Finding the right fit is important, and we can help. The right grief counselor can help you discover strengths, develop your own coping skills, and help you work through questions, changes in relationships, and secondary losses.
We rely on a large network of strong community partners, and we are confident we can connect you with resources specific to your needs. Each resource has been verified and actively supports the TAPS mission. We do careful research and compile resources with love and care.
Resources for Families and Children Facing Tragic Events
Racial Stress – Racism – Hate Crimes
Helpful Resources to Address the Mass Shooting in Uvalde, Texas
Many thanks to Michelle Zabel, MSS, Assistant Dean, and Director, The Institute for Innovation and Implementation, for compiling this list of resources in response to the horrific mass shooting in Texas earlier this week.
Helping Young People Cope With Mental Health Challenges
Vox Media’s NowThis is linking arms with Ken Burns and PBS to share an upcoming documentary titled “Hiding in Plain Sight: Youth Mental Illness.” Scenes from the forthcoming film will be shared across NowThis social platforms throughout Mental Health Awareness Month in May. NowThis will host a live TikTok conversation about the topic, as well. The goal, Burns said, is “to get this material out to young people around the country.” The film itself will debut at the end of June on PBS.
Uplift by Youth Era: Teaching Youth Peer Support Skills
More than 500 youth signed up for the most recent Uplift event! Studied by the University of Oxford and co-designed with young adults, Uplift by Youth Era is the future of peer support. Empower a young person in your life to be who they need, and apply to join the next Uplift training in June!
Randolph “Randy” Muck September 14, 1955 to April 21, 2021 in Memoriam
On the first anniversary of his death, several of us who knew and worked with Randy write this tribute to remember and honor his impact on so many people. Randy provided much-needed leadership from within the federal government to develop and disseminate evidence-based substance use treatments designed for adolescents and their families. He was successful because he had a rare ability to connect with all the groups important to improving adolescent treatment: provider organizations, schools, juvenile justice, counselors, federal agency decision-makers, researchers, private foundations, and most importantly—adolescents and their families. He saw how these groups could align their different interests and collaborate. This, in turn, helped youth, families, and systems of care in ways that continue to have an impact.
HHS Awards Nearly $25 Million to Expand Access to School-Based Health Services The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), through the Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA), recently announced nearly $25 million will be made available to improve and strengthen access to school-based health services in communities across the country. Awards will support local partnerships between schools and health centers to provide children and youth with the comprehensive physical and mental health care they need.
Investing in Prevention Makes Good Financial Sense Primary prevention—including screening and intervention before negative health outcomes occur—is relatively inexpensive. The higher-risk behaviors it is designed to reduce are so costly to the healthcare system that it is staggeringly wasteful not to make sure that screening and treatment referrals are readily implemented and faithfully reimbursed by insurers and that interventions are convenient for parents and their children.
PAX Good Behavior Game Speaking of prevention…
The PAX Good Behavior Game is an evidence-based universal preventive intervention applied by teachers in the classroom. This evidence-based practice consists of research-based strategies with origins in behavioral science, neuroscience, and cultural wisdom that operate together to improve children’s self-regulation. Teachers implement these strategies as part of their daily routines in carrying out tasks such as getting students’ attention, selecting students for tasks, transitioning from one task to the next, working as part of a team, limiting problematic behavior, and reinforcing pro-social behavior.
HHS Launches New Maternal Mental Health Hotline
The Maternal Mental Health Hotline is a new, confidential, toll-free hotline for expecting and new moms experiencing mental health challenges. Those who contact the hotline can receive a range of support, including brief interventions from trained culturally and trauma-informed counselors and referrals to both community-based and telehealth providers as needed. Callers also will receive evidence-based information and referrals to support groups and other community resources.
Six Things You Need To Know About Music and Health A growing body of research suggests that listening to or performing music affects the brain in ways that may help promote health and manage disease symptoms. More justification for the plethora of music videos posted in Friday Update!
Going Digital: Behavioral Health Tech Aaahhhh!!! Less than 20 days!!! Well? Have you registered for the 2022 Going Digital: Behavioral Health Tech summit on June 8-9th yet? Can’t make it? Wondering if you can access all of the sessions with our hundreds of speakers after June 8-9th? YES, but ONLY if you register in advance. So, you should probably get on that.
Building a More Equitable Juvenile Justice System for Everyone Racial inequities regarding the policing of children, and the subsequent disparities in their treatment within the juvenile justice system, have been problems in this country for far too long. It is encouraging that many states and counties are not only recognizing these issues but are taking action. The CSG Justice Center is committed to providing research-driven, data-informed solutions to our partners to continue building safer and stronger communities for everyone, especially our youth.
Disruptions to School and Home Life Among High School Students During the COVID-19 Pandemic — Adolescent Behaviors and Experiences Survey, United States, January–June 2021 Young people have experienced disruptions to school and home life since the COVID-19 pandemic began in March 2020. From January to June 2021, CDC conducted the Adolescent Behaviors and Experiences Survey (ABES), an online survey of a probability-based, nationally representative sample of U.S. public- and private-school students in grades 9–12. ABES data were used to estimate the prevalence of disruptions and adverse experiences during the pandemic, including parental and personal job loss, homelessness, hunger, emotional or physical abuse by a parent or other adult at home, receipt of telemedicine, and difficulty completing schoolwork. Prevalence estimates are presented for all students by sex, race and ethnicity, grade, sexual identity, and difficulty completing schoolwork.
CDC Survey Finds the Pandemic Had a Big Impact on Teens’ Mental Health According to a survey published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than four in 10 teens report feeling “persistently sad or hopeless” during the COVID-19 pandemic. Girls were twice as likely to experience mental health troubles compared to boys. And LGBTQ students were hit the hardest. The CDC’s findings were gathered from online surveys from a sample of 7,700 US students during the first six months of 2021.
New Initiative to Define Policy Recommendations for Embedding Equity into 988 The Kennedy-Satcher Center for Mental Health Equity & Beacon Health Options are joining forces to create and develop an equitable crisis response for the future of behavioral health service delivery ahead of the July 2022 launch of 988.
State Policymakers Can Support Equitable School-based Telemental Health Services This brief presents five ways state policymakers can support equitable school-based telemental health services, with recommendations based on relevant policy context, existing research, and—in some cases—feedback from interviews with five TMH providers who testified to on-the-ground experience with these interventions.
In times of community or world-wide crisis, it’s easy to assume that young children don’t know what’s going on. But one thing’s for sure — children are very sensitive to how their parents feel. They’re keenly aware of the expressions on their parents’ faces and the tone of their voices. Children can sense when their parents are really worried, whether they’re watching the news or talking about it with others. No matter what children know about a “crisis,” it’s especially scary for children to realize that their parents are scared.
Some Scary, Confusing Images
The way that news is presented on television can be quite confusing for a young child. The same video segment may be shown over and over again through the day, as if each showing was a different event. Someone who has died turns up alive and then dies again and again. Children often become very anxious since they don’t understand much about videotape replays, closeups, and camera angles. Any televised danger seems close to home to them because the tragic scenes are taking place on the TV set in their own living room. Children can’t tell the difference between what’s close and what’s far away, what’s real and what’s pretend, or what’s new and what’s re-run.
The younger the children are, the more likely they are to be interested in scenes of close-up faces, particularly if the people are expressing some strong feelings. When there’s tragic news, the images on TV are most often much too graphic and disturbing for young children.
“Who will take care of me?”
In times of crisis, children want to know, “Who will take care of me?” They’re dependent on adults for their survival and security. They’re naturally self-centered. They need to hear very clearly that their parents are doing all they can to take care of them and to keep them safe. They also need to hear that people in the government and other grown-ups they don’t even know are working hard to keep them safe, too.
Helping Children Feel More Secure
Play is one of the important ways young children have of dealing with their concerns. Of course, playing about violent news can be scary and sometimes unsafe, so adults need to be nearby to help redirect that kind of play into nurturing themes, such as a hospital for the wounded or a pretend meal for emergency workers.
When children are scared and anxious, they might become more dependent, clingy, and afraid to go to bed at night. Whining, aggressive behavior, or toilet “accidents” may be their way of asking for more comfort from the important adults in their lives. Little by little, as the adults around them become more confident, hopeful and secure, our children probably will, too.
Turn Off the TV
When there’s something tragic in the news, many parents get concerned about what and how to tell their children. It’s even harder than usual if we’re struggling with our own powerful feelings about what has happened. Adults are sometimes surprised that their own reactions to a televised crisis are so strong, but great loss and devastation in the news often reawaken our own earlier losses and fears – even some we think we might have “forgotten”
It’s easy to allow ourselves to get drawn into watching televised news of a crisis for hours and hours; however, exposing ourselves to so many tragedies can make us feel hopeless, insecure, and even depressed. We help our children and ourselves if we’re able to limit our own television viewing. Our children need us to spend time with them – away from the frightening images on the screen.
Talking and Listening
Even if we wanted to, it would be impossible to give our children all the reasons for such things as war, terrorists, abuse, murders, major fires, hurricanes, and earthquakes. If they ask questions, our best answer may be to ask them, “What do you think happened?” If the answer is “I don’t know,” then the simplest reply might be something like, “I’m sad about the news, and I’m worried. But I love you, and I’m here to care for you.”
If we don’t let children know it’s okay to feel sad and scared, they may think something is wrong with them when they do feel that way. They certainly don’t need to hear all the details of what’s making us sad or scared, but if we can help them accept their own feelings as natural and normal, their feelings will be much more manageable for them.
Angry feelings are part of being human, especially when we feel powerless. One of the most important messages we can give our children is, “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hurt ourselves or others.” Besides giving children the right to their anger, we can help them find constructive things to do with their feelings. This way, we’ll be giving them useful tools that will serve them all their life, and help them to become the worlds’ future peacemakers — the world’s future “helpers.”
Helpful Hints
Do your best to keep the television off, or at least limit how much your child sees of any news event.
Try to keep yourself calm. Your presence can help your child feel more secure.
Give your child extra comfort and physical affection, like hugs or snuggling up together with a favorite book. Physical comfort goes a long way towards providing inner security. That closeness can nourish you, too.
Try to keep regular routines as normal as possible. Children and adults count on their familiar pattern of everyday life.
Plan something that you and your child enjoy doing together, like taking a walk, going on a picnic, having some quiet time, or doing something silly. It can help to know there are simple things in life that can help us feel better, in good times and in bad.
Even if children don’t mention what they’ve seen or heard in the news, it can help to ask what they think has happened. If parents don’t bring up the subject, children can be left with their misinterpretations. You may be really surprised at how much your child has heard from others.
Focus attention on the helpers, like the police, firemen, doctors, nurses, paramedics, and volunteers. It’s reassuring to know there are many caring people who are doing all they can to help others in this world.
Let your child know if you’re making a donation, going to a town meeting, writing a letter or e-mail of support, or taking some other action. It can help children to know that adults take many different active roles and that we don’t give in to helplessness in times of worldwide crisis.
What do we tell our children?
How do we reassure them of their own safety?
At The Dougy Center in Portland, Oregon, we’ve provided grief support groups for children, teens, young adults and their parents or adult caregivers since 1982.
Based on our experience, here are some things for adults to keep in mind as you struggle with how to talk with children following tragic events, such as natural disasters, plane crashes, or school shootings.
1. Don’t project your fears onto your children. They take their cues from the adults around them.
You can’t hear the news about children being murdered or communities devastated by natural disasters without thinking about how you’d feel if it happened to your family, friends, or hometown. The outpouring of care and empathy for the families who lost loved ones will be powerful, and…we all know it could have been our friends, our child, our family and community members who died or were injured.
Identifying with the senselessness and randomness makes us all feel more vulnerable. But we should remember that children don’t always see things the same way that adults do, and it won’t be helpful to them for us to fall apart. They need to see that we care, that we feel terrible about this tragedy, and that we will do everything we can to keep them safe. They will take their cues from our behavior.
It’s okay to show emotion. We can model for children that feeling sad, scared, and upset is normal after tragedies. But we don’t want to overwhelm them with our emotions, or put them in the position of having to ‘parent,’ or take care of, the adults around them. Make sure you also model taking care of yourself, by sharing with trusted and supportive adult friends, eating (and drinking) healthfully.
2. Try to limit their access to the recurring news and exposure to the tragedy over and over.
Over-exposure to the graphic and emotional news can be overwhelming for children and can cause unnecessary anxiety and fear. Some children who repeatedly watched the footage of planes crashing into the towers on 9/11 thought it was happening again and again. Some children (and some adults) may have difficulty getting graphic scenes and images out of their minds. Too much exposure can fuel their fear, so don’t let them sit and watch the news over and over. Better yet, set the example of not doing so yourself as well.
3. Understand that you can’t completely shield them from what happened.
It would be next to impossible to hide these events from children, as much as we wish we could. You might be able to shield your own child in your home, for example, by not turning on (or owning) a television, but you can’t protect your children from hearing about it from other kids. The fact is, they will hear about it, so although they don’t “need” to know about it, pretending we can shield them is magical thinking.
That said, you don’t need to give them more information than they can handle, or more than they’re asking for. A simple, “Did they talk about what happened in _____ today at school?” would be a good starter. They need to know that you’re not trying to hide the truth from them, that you’re open to talking about it, but that you’re also not forcing them to do so.
4. Model truth-telling and build trust with your children by letting them hear things, even hard things, from you directly.
Eight days after the 9/11 attacks, I was meeting in small groups with pre-school workers in New York City, talking about how to respond to the young children in their care about the events. A man asked to speak to me privately after one of the trainings, and asked for my advice around his 7-year-old daughter. For the last week, since September 12th, she had been having stomach aches and difficulty sleeping. He said it was not tied to the events of 9/11 because, “We don’t have a television.” As his story unfolded it was evident that he did not want to have to explain to his child why people would do such horrible things, a normal dilemma that we face as parents and adults. This child was experiencing physical reactions, as it turned out, not primarily because of her reaction to the events of 9/11, but because she was unable to share her fears and concerns and questions in her own home, faced with her parents’ denial.
Here are some principles to keep in mind as you talk with children:
1. There is no one typical reaction one can or should expect from children.
Their responses will vary all over the ‘emotional’ map, from seeming disinterest to nightmares, eating issues, and anxiety. How any specific child will respond will depend on their age, previous experience with death and loss, and their personality style. Fearful children will tend to worry; quiet children may keep their feelings to themselves; those who want to appear unfazed may exhibit a sense of bravado or lack of caring. Of course, children directly affected – those who had a family member die; those who witnessed the tragedy; those who had friends die – will tend to have longer-term reactions and needs. Watch for changes in behavior, or concerning trends. While it would be normal to have heightened anxiety and sleeplessness, any concerning behavior or troubling symptoms should be taken seriously, and if warranted, professional help sought.
2. Many children will have an increased sense of fear about their safety.
Understandably. So will many adults. After a shooting at an Oregon mall in December 2012, the news outlets were filled with people who said they’d never take their children there again. Others said they’d return as soon as it opened in order to support the stores and employees who had experienced the traumatic events, and whose livelihoods were going to suffer as a result of the several day closure. Some runners in the Boston Marathon vowed to return; others said they would never do so again.
While we can’t guarantee to our children that nothing bad will ever happen to them, we can provide assurance that these events are relatively rare, and that we will do everything we can to keep them safe. Children may have many questions about the events, particularly about natural disasters. Answer their questions with language that fits their developmental stage. It’s okay if you don’t know the answer to a question. If it’s a question that might have an answer, offer to look up more information. You can also ask children what they think the answer is as they often have thoughts and ideas they want to share with you. In the case of natural disasters, if your child is fearful of something like that happening in your community, talk with them about the safety plan that you have in place for your family and home. You can also look into what community safety measures are in place and whatever elements are relevant with your children. Many children will be reassured knowing that there are specific, tangible things they and your family can do if something occurs. Some examples include, picking a meeting place, keeping flashlights in every bedroom, talking about where you will keep emergency water and food.
3. Children want, need, and deserve the truth.
In over 30 years of providing grief support to thousands of children and teens at The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families, we have never heard a child say, “I’m glad I was lied to.” Many, however, struggle with anger and lack of trust toward parents or other adults who lied to them. When we don’t tell the truth, they learn that we cannot be trusted. As difficult as it can be at times, and as horrendous as the truth may be, children want, need, and deserve the truth. Being able to talk openly and honestly with your children about tragic events and other losses, creates a foundation of trust, enabling them to come to you in the future with their questions, fears, and concerns.
How race-related stress affects you and your relationship with your child
What effect does racism have on your health and well-being?
Not only does racism impact you as a parent, it can also impact how you interact with your children. Experiences of racism build on each other and can chip away at your emotional, physical and spiritual resources as a parent, contributing to race-related stress. Race-related stress can make it hard to have the space needed to take care of yourself as a parent, which reduces the emotional space you need to adequately take care of your children.
Physical Effects
Physical Effects can include increased hypertension, illness and risky behaviors such as substance use.
Emotional Effects
Emotional effects can include depression, anxiety, anger, irritability and aggression.
Spiritual Effects
Spiritual effects can include a decreased sense of purpose, lack of connection with the larger community, isolation from larger social groups and reduced involvement in communal activities that you enjoy.
Potential reactions to racial stress or trauma
Insecure Feelings
Feelings of shame and lack of confidence due to feeling that a situation cannot be changed.
Lack of Trust
Feeling detached or a lack of trust for others due to experiencing multiple losses or letdowns. This can make it very difficult to seek out help and to identify potential safe sources of support.
Triggers
Reminders of the event, such as particular people or situations, can also trigger strong emotional or physical responses (e.g., crying or rapid heartbeat).
Difficulty Controlling Emotions
Difficulty controlling emotional responses (going from “zero to one hundred”) can occur as the body helps you adapt to potentially unsafe situations, making you feel constantly on “alert.”
The body’s response to the experience of racism can make accessing resources to cope with the situation difficult. Race-related stress is unique in that it threatens psychological resources that are needed to cope and fulfill basic needs such as financial support, housing, access to jobs, etc.
When your body is in stress mode, it is geared up to help you and your child survive, which sometimes leads to impulsive decisions. If you live in a chronic state of stress related to racism, you can start to engage in survival coping. Survival coping can help you to deal with very hard or potentially life-threatening situations. However, if you continue to exist in this mode long-term, it can make it difficult to enjoy being in the moment with your child and can reduce your ability to feel safe and in control.
What impact can racial stress have on your parenting?
Experiencing race-related stress can also impact the quality of parenting relationships in the following ways:
Impostor syndrome
When you are exposed to racism repeatedly, you often start doubting yourself and can feel like you are an imposter in dominant culture settings or in settings where you feel as though you do not belong. Your inner thoughts might sound something like: “Am I being judged?” “Am I worthy?” “I got lucky.” “I only got this because I am Black.”
Being overly alert (hypervigilance)
Experiencing racial stress can make you more aware of potential dangers and negative experiences that can occur. This, in turn, can make the experience of parenting even more stressful. When you interact with your children, you can sometimes be reminded of negative race-related experiences that you had when you were a child. This reminder can amp up emotional responses, or hyperarousal, making it hard for you to “keep your cool” and be open to flexible problem solving.
“Helicopter parenting” (monitoring in fear)
These experiences of racism and unwarranted blame or lack of acceptance can make you want to protect your children so much, that you don’t allow them to explore in the way that they need to. You may shelter them from failures, which everyone needs to experience in order to learn how to manage everyday life. You may tend to be overly cautious or suspicious. Examples can include not allowing your children to have sleepovers or go to the park, even with your supervision.
Difficulty regulating emotions
When your past influences your emotional state, it can affect your emotional responses to both big and minor stressors with children, such as when they misbehave. This, in turn, can lead to being overprotective or overuse of physical discipline, as a means of survival.
For children, having parents who can keep perspective (stay cool) when children are upset, or misbehaving is very important. Likewise, it is important to stay calm when disciplining a child, otherwise discipline may go overboard. Both of these things can be hard if you are having difficulty controlling your emotions.
Avoidance
Avoiding situations that are related to racism can be a needed strategy to survive; such as instances that may involve violence or threat to yourself or your family. Sometimes you may avoid reminders of past experiences due to the pain or discomfort they cause.
If you find yourself avoiding strong feelings or situations with your child that bring up painful memories, it may make it hard to show affection and support for your child. It may even make it difficult to know how to provide emotional support for your child during times of stress. For instance, if your child brings up their own experience of oppression or an event in their life reminds you of something from your own childhood.
Mistrusting others
Racism can lead to distrust or mistrust of other communities. Internalized racism is when you begin to accept negative messages about your own abilities and inherent worth by the dominant group in society.
When you use society’s norms to judge yourself, you can feel depressed, unworthy and just not good enough. You are taught in many ways to take these feelings and paint them onto another group.
Intra and interracial violence, contention among disenfranchised communities or color, and the way the media conveys information about people of color, contribute to this.
This kind of coping can make you more vulnerable to racism, because on some level you may believe in racial hierarchy and difference when you belittle other groups. And when you show your children that it is right to discriminate against certain other groups, you make them more vulnerable to discrimination that they face.
Minimizing racism
Racism is overwhelming, as is the history of violence. You are sometimes taught that accepting this and minimizing racism is the only thing you can do. But when you ignore racism, and accept powerlessness, you encourage your kids to internalize racism. This can lead to increased levels of depression, anxiety and externalizing behaviors (e.g., engaging in risky behaviors, such as alcohol or substance use).
When you believe that you should be able to handle and manage it all without a break or without asking for help, you are at increased risk for health problems and can miss important cues about your well-being and safety.
Self-blame
Experiencing chronically unfair and dangerous discriminatory practices due to race can lead to feelings of low worth. For parents, this can also lead to a questioning of your parenting choices and abilities.
Unbalanced Racial and Ethnic Socialization (RES)
Unbalanced messaging or communication about race and ethnicity occurs when you only promote messages of mistrust, preparation for bias, or only give racial pride messages to your children.
Strategies to deal with racial stress and practice self-care.
So, what can you do to mitigate racial stress?
As parents, it is important to develop positive identities and share your cultural identities with your children. Positive cultural identity and advocacy are protective factors against racism, which can help to reduce and prevent racial stress.
There are many other ways to cope with stress and everyone has different preferences. Reducing stress can also allow you to model healthy coping strategies for your child. Here are some suggestions you can try.
Build or access a support network
Incorporate traditions at home
Get some exercise
Deep breathing
Journal
Limit your media intake
Counseling/therapy
Spirituality
Podcast
You are not the only person dealing with race-related stress and connecting with other people with similar experiences and feelings can help you to successfully navigate racism.
Talk with family and trusted friends specifically about racialized events that have occurred and how to handle them
Start or join a group with others who may have had similar experiences and similar interests, like a book club that reads books by Black authors, or spend time with other African American parents who have the same concerns you do about how your children are treated at the school.
Seek out activities that you can do with your friends or family (e.g., exercising, cooking, watching a family show or movie together, etc.)
Legislation
Much of the debate today is around gun control. Below are links to two bills currently pending in Congress.
Maternal Depression Support Groups and Educational Resources
On-line
Peer Support Groups & More! Postpartum
Support International (PSI) Weekly Support Groups: PSI facilitates a wide variety of postpartum support groups every week for diverse populations, and all family members.
PSI also staffs a non-emergency helpline for education and support: The number is 1-800-944-4773. PSI also offers a free peer mentor program where Mons or Dads can work 1-1 with a peer mentor once per week for up to 6 months.
Link to webpage for specific support groups, dates and times:
Free peer support groups and discussion forums, moderated by, “Well Mama,” for mothers and families on a wide variety of topics related to pregnancy and postpartum mental health.
People grieving a death often feel like no one understands what they’re going through. And truthfully, no one’s grief is exactly same. But people tell us the help they appreciate most comes from sharing with others who are also grieving a death.
Our children’s support groups are designed around age, type of death, and the connection to the person who died. Parent/adult caregiver groups run at the same time as the children’s support groups. Around 500 children and 350 adult family members come to our groups each month. Each person decides how long he or she wants to be at The Dougy Center.
In the groups, there is no right or wrong way to be. Nobody will tell you it’s time to move on. Or that an emotion you have is wrong or inappropriate. Here, through talking and listening, you’re free to find hope and comfort in your own personal way. Children can express themselves through play, music, art, games, and sharing.
Our unique approach, using peer group support to help people discover their own way through grief, has made The Dougy Center a worldwide leader in the field. More than 500 programs based on our model now thrive in the U.S., Canada, Africa, Australia, Europe and Japan. Our guidebooks assist parents, schools and others who deal with children affected by death, and our children’s activity books provide them an outlet for expression.
In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, The Dougy Center is hosting virtual support groups for our bereavement and Pathways programs. If your family lives in the Portland metro area and would like to participate, please call 503.775.5683 or email help@dougy.org.
At The Dougy Center we realize that:
Grief is a natural reaction to death;
Each individual has a natural capacity to heal from loss;
Duration and intensity of grief are unique to each individual; and
Caring and acceptance assist in the healing process.
Orientation lasts approximately one hour. During that time, adults and children/teens are broken into separate groups where we explain the program. Questions are answered, and everyone is given a tour. Children and teens watch a Dougy Center video produced by the TV program 20/20. The adults learn about how to have a child or teen begin participation at the Center and receive all the application forms. Coming to an orientation does not mean the child/teen becomes a participant. We encourage the adults to allow the children and teens to make the final decision for themselves.
LYGHT Groups – Listening and Led by Youth in Foster Care: Grief, Hope, and Transitions
At the core of the L.Y.G.H.T. program, we aim to raise awareness about how grieving youth in foster care experience marginalization on various levels, create ways to provide trauma-informed peer support to youth in foster care, and promote the importance of moving the child welfare community toward a grief-informed holistic model of care.
“It helps you to feel like you are not alone. They are also going through something as well and you can help each other.” – L.Y.G.H.T. program participant
These listings are provided for information only; they are not recommendations or endorsements.
Due to the COVID pandemic, many pet loss support groups have switched to virtual meetings via Zoom, Google, etc. This has made it possible for many groups to open their meetings to grieving pet owners anywhere in the world. Below, we list a number of support groups in the US that now offer their virtual meetings to anyone, anywhere.
While this list is organized by state for convenience, again, keep in mind that you do not need to be a resident of that state to attend. However, do keep in mind that different states involve different time zones; be sure to check not only the time but the zone of the meeting you wish to attend.
AZ: Hospice of the Valley’s Pet Loss Support Group meets on the first Saturday of every month from 9-11 a.m. Groups are virtual and open to anyone, anywhere, grieving the loss of a beloved companion animal. Please call 602-636-5390 for information and to obtain the link. info@hov.org,https://hov.org/our-care/grief-support/grief-support-groups/
CA: The Berkeley Humane Pet Loss Support Group now meets VIRTUALLY on the SECOND WEDNESDAY of each month, 7-8:30 pm. Send an email to Jill Goodfriend expressing an interest in attending the group. Jill will acknowledge your message and send you the Zoom link by 5 pm on the day of the meeting. Confidentiality requested for all shares. There is no fee; however, donations to the Berkeley Humane are most appreciated (2700 Ninth St, Berkeley, CA 94710). For questions, or to set up a complimentary consultation, contact Jill Goodfriend, RN, LCSW, at Jill.goodfriend@gmail.com. or (510) 393-1359. hhttps://berkeleyhumane.org/community-resources/, http://jillgoodfriend.com/Jill_Goodfriend/Home.html.
CA: Peninsula Humane Society Pet Loss Support Group, 1450 Rollins Road, Burlingame CA. Led by a professional counselor, our group meets virtually the second Thursday of each month, from 8-9:30 pm. Free. For more information, please contact Brian Probst at 650/340-7022, ext. 328, bprobst@phs-spca.org, https://phs-spca.org/grief/.
CO: Animal Assisted Therapy Programs of Colorado (AATPC) – Virtual Pet Loss Support Group, Fridays 12-1 MST. Free and virtual via Zoom. Open enrollment, join any time! Registration required on AATPC’s website. Open to anyone looking for support around the loss of an animal companion OR the anticipation of loss of an animal companion. All animal types welcome. Open to anyone in the world! Facilitated by Erin Peterson, licensed professional therapist. https://www.animalassistedtherapyprograms.org/animal-assisted-therapy-programs/therapy-groups/54-therapy-programs/380-virtual-pet-loss-support-group.
IL: Virtual Meeting sponsored by Gateway. We meet at 6:30 pm the third Monday of each month; free of charge to attendees. Facilitator: Joy Davy, MS, LCPC. For information, email joydavy723@gmail.com.
IL: Rev. Russell Elleven, DMin. This FREE pet loss support group meets the first Wednesday of every month at 8:00 pm (Eastern) via Zoom. Please visit the website and contact Russell for Zoom Link and Passcode.Rev. Russell Elleven, DMin is an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister who celebrates all faith traditions and those with no faith tradition at all. Everyone who is suffering from the loss of an animal companion is welcomed and offered nonjudgmental support through the FREE group or one-on-one (fee based) meetings. You need not suffer this loss alone. http://www.AnimalChaplain.net.
MA: Darin Humane Society, 171 Union Street, Springfield, MA, (413) 781-4000, Kenddv@gmail.com. This group, led by Ken Dolan-DelVecchio, LMFT, LCSW is sponsored by Dakin Humane Society. It is held once a month. It is a Zoom group open to anyone in the country or world and starts at 6PM EST running for one and one-half hours. The days can change so please go to https://www.dakinhumane.org/petloss.html to RSVP.
MA: Humane Hearts, West Newbury, MA 01985, 978.572.0698, marla@humanehearts.com, http://humanehearts.com. Individual, Family, and Group Support available for those who have experienced the loss of a pet or those who are anticipating a loss. See website for details as to where and when we meet. Sessions led by life-long animal advocate and humane educator Marla Andrews, M.Ed., Humane Education and Animal Welfare, Certified Grief Support Specialist, and Pet Chaplain.
MI: Micky Golden Moore, Ph.D., MSHP, Beyond The Paw Print Pet Loss Support Group. Meets the 2nd Monday of every month. For more information about these VIRTUAL meetings and how to join, please email info@beyondthepawprint.com, or leave a message at 248.701.2345. Visit the Beyond the Paw Print website to learn more about Dr. Golden Moore, the meetings, the BTPP Facebook group, and much more, at https://beyondthepawprint.com/.
NJ: Sandra Grossman, Ph.D., PetLoss Partners. The loss of a beloved pet is so very difficult. It’s important to know you don’t have to go through this alone. Get the support you deserve surrounded by those who understand and are on the path towards recovery. Virtual groups are held twice a week, are available to anyone anywhere, and are RSVP only. The fee for virtual groups is $15. Call or email to RSVP. We are here to support you. 818-421-1516, sandi@petlosspartners.org,https://petlosspartners.org/pet-loss-services/
OH: GAP (Grief About Pets) now offers two FREE pet loss groups. One is sponsored by Eternal Paws in Norton, Ohio, and offered on-site there on the second Wednesday of every month at 6:30 p.m. The other is sponsored by Faithful Companion and offered on the fourth Wed. of every month online using Google Meet at 6:30 p.m. If we have over ten pet parents register, we can offer another at 4:30 p.m. Brenda Brown, MA, Ft, is the facilitator of all the groups. Register by emailing brenda@griefaboutpets.com or calling 330-415-8879. https://griefaboutpets.com.
OH: Dorothy Hall, MS, RN, Pet Loss Support Group, Columbus, OH 43229, (614) 895-3416, djhall2451@att.net. Meetings held on Zoom; contact Dorothy for details.
OR: Debrah Lee, LCSW, DoveLewis Veterinary Emergency & Specialty Hospital, 1945 NW Petty Grove, Portland, OR 97209, (503) 228-7281, petloss@dovelewis.org. Virtual and in-person meetings are offered; see website for schedule and to register to attend. https://www.dovelewis.org/pet-owners/pet-loss-support.
TX: PAWs Shelter of Central Texas, 2965 Farm to Market 165, Dripping Springs, TX 78620, jyl@pawsshelter.org, https://heartoftexaspetlossandgriefsupport.com/. Group meets virtually on the Second Sunday of each month via Zoom, and is free of charge. Go through the website to contact facilitator for details, readings and the Zoom link. Group is for people ready to work in the group format, and is not appropriate for those needing individual counseling.
VA: FetchACure.org – Meets via Zoom on the first Tuesday of the month from 5:30-6:30 pm. Meetings are led by Dr. Leslie Greenberg, an experienced psychologist and member of the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. Families are invited to attend our group sessions to help work through the pain of losing a pet. All family members, including children, are invited to attend this complementary Pet Loss Support Group. Please RSVP here or by emailing amanda@fetchacure.org, https://fetchacure.org/resource-library/pet-loss-support-group/
VA: Holli Shan, Compassionate Animal Communication, LLC, (703) 447-5374, holli@compassionspeaks.com, https://compassionspeaks.com. We are now offering a virtual online pet loss grief support group. This group will meet on the last Wednesday of each month from 6:00PM to 7:00 PM Eastern Time. This is a good opportunity for people who are grieving and are not quite ready for a private session or program. While there is no set fee to attend, this group is “pay what you will” (suggested amount is $15). Register at https://info.compassionspeaks.com/register.
WA: Pet Loss Support Group, Seattle Animal Shelter – 2061 15th Avenue West, Seattle WA, 98119, 206-386-PETS, http://www.seattle.gov/animal-shelter/resources/pet-loss-support-group. The loss of a pet can be very difficult. Our volunteers are here to help. The Pet Loss Support Group meets by phone/Webex every Thursday from 5:30-6:45 p.m. For the schedule and details on how to join the virtual meeting, please email saspetloss@gmail.com
WI: Linda Colletti, Pet Loss Resource Center. Offers two virtual support groups: The first Saturday of every month 9:30-11:00 CST and the third Thursday 6Pm-7:30pm CST. All are welcome. If any one has questions, contact me at PLRCMadison@gmail.com, https://www.petlossresourcecenter.org/.
An association of pet loss counselors and professionals. The site offers links, articles, a bookstore, and directories of counselors and pet loss support groups.
I don’t usually post links to personal tributes, but this is a wonderful, moving example of how to plan a “parting day” and create a farewell event for one’s pet and family.
An excellent resource from pet loss counselor Marty Tousley. It offers an extensive collection of Marty’s articles and columns on grief, plus other resources.
This is a fabulous site with lots of resources. It offers free tributes, a means of keeping a pet loss or remembrance diary, and loads of quotes on pets and pet loss.
This is not a Christian site per se, but has some interesting comparisons of religious views on the issue, as well as a discussion of pets on the astral plane.
Information and advocacy regarding natural burials within pet cemeteries for those who prefer burial to cremation, and natural burial to underground entombment. They also address pet burials in family plots of (human) cemeteries.
Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Ectopic Pregnancy Support Groups
If you have suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or ectopic pregnancy and need an extra source of support, or if you wish to do something to help further miscarriage awareness, there is help out there. A number of nonprofit organizations around the world aim to spread awareness of pregnancy and infant loss and offer support services. Some are regional in focus but others have a national and even international reach. The following is a list of some of the major pregnancy loss awareness organizations.
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support
Steve Debenport/E+/Getty Images
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support was established in 1977 and has been active in numerous pregnancy loss advocacy and awareness activities including everything from promoting the rights of parents to bury their miscarried babies, to organizing support groups around the nation. The organization’s website contains a collection of support resources as well as a list of regional support groups. If no support group is in your area, Share can also advise you on how to start one
March of Dimes
The March of Dimes is one of the most well-known and well-established organizations focusing on pregnancy health. March of Dimes has a lot of information on the causes and possible prevention of premature birth, a leading cause of infant death, and it is involved in numerous advocacy efforts to drive research into ways to prevent birth defects and infant death.
As a start, every woman who is pregnant should be aware of the risk factors for premature birth as well as the signs and symptoms of premature labor.1
International Stillbirth Alliance (ISA)
The International Stillbirth Alliance (ISA) is a coalition of stillbirth awareness groups and organizations that work to promote stillbirth research and awareness of stillbirth. The group offers support resources for parents as well as information about ongoing research into stillbirth.
The Miscarriage Association
The Miscarriage Association is a UK-based support association that offers many resources to help families cope with miscarriage and to spread awareness of miscarriage. They use the general term miscarriage but include support for those who have had an ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy as well. The group has a network of support volunteers who can lend a listening ear
The miscarriage association also provides information to help people better understand everything from the tests done to look for a miscarriage, to information on “trying again” after your loss.
Sands
Sands stands for Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support. This group is based in the UK, but Sands has chapters in countries around the world. The group offers support to all individuals affected by stillbirth or loss of a newborn infant, and its website includes information on local groups and advocacy opportunities.
Sands also recognizes the importance of bereavement care,2 which has, unfortunately, been addressed to a less degree than the symptoms and treatment of pregnancy loss.
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is not exclusively focused on pregnancy loss but focuses on providing support for bereaved families who are grieving the death of a child. The group does offer information and support for pregnancy loss of any kind.
MISS Foundation
The MISS Foundation focuses on crisis support and other aid to families grieving the loss of a child. The group is not exclusively focused on pregnancy loss but is involved in a lot of activities related to miscarriage and stillbirth awareness, such as the MISSing Angels Bills that have been considered or passed in many U.S. states with the idea of granting parents the right to receive a state-issued certificate of stillbirth recognizing the loss of a baby to stillbirth.
Center for Loss in Multiple Birth (CLIMB)
The Center for Loss in Multiple Birth (CLIMB) offers support to parents who have lost babies in multiple pregnancies, including those who have lost all babies in the pregnancy as well as those who have lost one twin.
The site offers fact sheets aimed at dads, grandparents, siblings, and survivors as well as information about research into this type of pregnancy loss.
Helping After Neonatal Death (HAND)
Helping After Neonatal Death (HAND) is a California support group for late pregnancy loss and neonatal loss. Its website features fact sheets and information about local groups in northern California. The group also offers two in-person support groups as well as phone support for grieving parents.
Even if you are not a California native, the HAND website provides support, including letters addressed to parents, friends , and family, and even health care professionals who are facing the grief which accompanies stillbirth and neonatal death.
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust is a group sponsored by London’s King College Hospital. The website has information on the causes and treatment of ectopic pregnancy, as well as support forums. The group supports research into early diagnosis of ectopic pregnancy and means of prevention.
The website (of course, easily accessible to those outside the UK) has abundant resources with information on a number of topics surrounding ectopic pregnancy. It even has information for dad’s and ectopic pregnancy, recognizing the difficulties faced by those who are “so close but yet so far.”3
Tommy’s
Tommy’s functions as something of a UK-based March of Dimes equivalent. The group has information on how to have a healthy pregnancy and prevent any preventable stillbirths or preterm births. The group also supports research on miscarriage prevention and causes.
Warmline – TAPS – The Tragedy Assistance Program For Survivors – Military Survivor Helpline 800-959-TAPS (8277) – Grief Counseling
@ Phone
Please note this program is specifically designed for survivors grieving the death of a military loved one.
Individual grief counseling is important to many survivors in our grief journeys. The opportunity to sit one-on-one with a skilled therapist who understands grief and trauma can help you work through some of the hardest parts of your loss. Finding the right fit is important, and we can help. The right grief counselor can help you discover strengths, develop your own coping skills, and help you work through questions, changes in relationships, and secondary losses.
We rely on a large network of strong community partners, and we are confident we can connect you with resources specific to your needs. Each resource has been verified and actively supports the TAPS mission. We do careful research and compile resources with love and care.
Resources for Families and Children Facing Tragic Events
Racial Stress – Racism – Hate Crimes
Helpful Resources to Address the Mass Shooting in Uvalde, Texas
Many thanks to Michelle Zabel, MSS, Assistant Dean, and Director, The Institute for Innovation and Implementation, for compiling this list of resources in response to the horrific mass shooting in Texas earlier this week.
Helping Young People Cope With Mental Health Challenges
Vox Media’s NowThis is linking arms with Ken Burns and PBS to share an upcoming documentary titled “Hiding in Plain Sight: Youth Mental Illness.” Scenes from the forthcoming film will be shared across NowThis social platforms throughout Mental Health Awareness Month in May. NowThis will host a live TikTok conversation about the topic, as well. The goal, Burns said, is “to get this material out to young people around the country.” The film itself will debut at the end of June on PBS.
Uplift by Youth Era: Teaching Youth Peer Support Skills
More than 500 youth signed up for the most recent Uplift event! Studied by the University of Oxford and co-designed with young adults, Uplift by Youth Era is the future of peer support. Empower a young person in your life to be who they need, and apply to join the next Uplift training in June!
Randolph “Randy” Muck September 14, 1955 to April 21, 2021 in Memoriam
On the first anniversary of his death, several of us who knew and worked with Randy write this tribute to remember and honor his impact on so many people. Randy provided much-needed leadership from within the federal government to develop and disseminate evidence-based substance use treatments designed for adolescents and their families. He was successful because he had a rare ability to connect with all the groups important to improving adolescent treatment: provider organizations, schools, juvenile justice, counselors, federal agency decision-makers, researchers, private foundations, and most importantly—adolescents and their families. He saw how these groups could align their different interests and collaborate. This, in turn, helped youth, families, and systems of care in ways that continue to have an impact.
HHS Awards Nearly $25 Million to Expand Access to School-Based Health Services The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), through the Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA), recently announced nearly $25 million will be made available to improve and strengthen access to school-based health services in communities across the country. Awards will support local partnerships between schools and health centers to provide children and youth with the comprehensive physical and mental health care they need.
Investing in Prevention Makes Good Financial Sense Primary prevention—including screening and intervention before negative health outcomes occur—is relatively inexpensive. The higher-risk behaviors it is designed to reduce are so costly to the healthcare system that it is staggeringly wasteful not to make sure that screening and treatment referrals are readily implemented and faithfully reimbursed by insurers and that interventions are convenient for parents and their children.
PAX Good Behavior Game Speaking of prevention…
The PAX Good Behavior Game is an evidence-based universal preventive intervention applied by teachers in the classroom. This evidence-based practice consists of research-based strategies with origins in behavioral science, neuroscience, and cultural wisdom that operate together to improve children’s self-regulation. Teachers implement these strategies as part of their daily routines in carrying out tasks such as getting students’ attention, selecting students for tasks, transitioning from one task to the next, working as part of a team, limiting problematic behavior, and reinforcing pro-social behavior.
HHS Launches New Maternal Mental Health Hotline
The Maternal Mental Health Hotline is a new, confidential, toll-free hotline for expecting and new moms experiencing mental health challenges. Those who contact the hotline can receive a range of support, including brief interventions from trained culturally and trauma-informed counselors and referrals to both community-based and telehealth providers as needed. Callers also will receive evidence-based information and referrals to support groups and other community resources.
Six Things You Need To Know About Music and Health A growing body of research suggests that listening to or performing music affects the brain in ways that may help promote health and manage disease symptoms. More justification for the plethora of music videos posted in Friday Update!
Going Digital: Behavioral Health Tech Aaahhhh!!! Less than 20 days!!! Well? Have you registered for the 2022 Going Digital: Behavioral Health Tech summit on June 8-9th yet? Can’t make it? Wondering if you can access all of the sessions with our hundreds of speakers after June 8-9th? YES, but ONLY if you register in advance. So, you should probably get on that.
Building a More Equitable Juvenile Justice System for Everyone Racial inequities regarding the policing of children, and the subsequent disparities in their treatment within the juvenile justice system, have been problems in this country for far too long. It is encouraging that many states and counties are not only recognizing these issues but are taking action. The CSG Justice Center is committed to providing research-driven, data-informed solutions to our partners to continue building safer and stronger communities for everyone, especially our youth.
Disruptions to School and Home Life Among High School Students During the COVID-19 Pandemic — Adolescent Behaviors and Experiences Survey, United States, January–June 2021 Young people have experienced disruptions to school and home life since the COVID-19 pandemic began in March 2020. From January to June 2021, CDC conducted the Adolescent Behaviors and Experiences Survey (ABES), an online survey of a probability-based, nationally representative sample of U.S. public- and private-school students in grades 9–12. ABES data were used to estimate the prevalence of disruptions and adverse experiences during the pandemic, including parental and personal job loss, homelessness, hunger, emotional or physical abuse by a parent or other adult at home, receipt of telemedicine, and difficulty completing schoolwork. Prevalence estimates are presented for all students by sex, race and ethnicity, grade, sexual identity, and difficulty completing schoolwork.
CDC Survey Finds the Pandemic Had a Big Impact on Teens’ Mental Health According to a survey published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than four in 10 teens report feeling “persistently sad or hopeless” during the COVID-19 pandemic. Girls were twice as likely to experience mental health troubles compared to boys. And LGBTQ students were hit the hardest. The CDC’s findings were gathered from online surveys from a sample of 7,700 US students during the first six months of 2021.
New Initiative to Define Policy Recommendations for Embedding Equity into 988 The Kennedy-Satcher Center for Mental Health Equity & Beacon Health Options are joining forces to create and develop an equitable crisis response for the future of behavioral health service delivery ahead of the July 2022 launch of 988.
State Policymakers Can Support Equitable School-based Telemental Health Services This brief presents five ways state policymakers can support equitable school-based telemental health services, with recommendations based on relevant policy context, existing research, and—in some cases—feedback from interviews with five TMH providers who testified to on-the-ground experience with these interventions.
In times of community or world-wide crisis, it’s easy to assume that young children don’t know what’s going on. But one thing’s for sure — children are very sensitive to how their parents feel. They’re keenly aware of the expressions on their parents’ faces and the tone of their voices. Children can sense when their parents are really worried, whether they’re watching the news or talking about it with others. No matter what children know about a “crisis,” it’s especially scary for children to realize that their parents are scared.
Some Scary, Confusing Images
The way that news is presented on television can be quite confusing for a young child. The same video segment may be shown over and over again through the day, as if each showing was a different event. Someone who has died turns up alive and then dies again and again. Children often become very anxious since they don’t understand much about videotape replays, closeups, and camera angles. Any televised danger seems close to home to them because the tragic scenes are taking place on the TV set in their own living room. Children can’t tell the difference between what’s close and what’s far away, what’s real and what’s pretend, or what’s new and what’s re-run.
The younger the children are, the more likely they are to be interested in scenes of close-up faces, particularly if the people are expressing some strong feelings. When there’s tragic news, the images on TV are most often much too graphic and disturbing for young children.
“Who will take care of me?”
In times of crisis, children want to know, “Who will take care of me?” They’re dependent on adults for their survival and security. They’re naturally self-centered. They need to hear very clearly that their parents are doing all they can to take care of them and to keep them safe. They also need to hear that people in the government and other grown-ups they don’t even know are working hard to keep them safe, too.
Helping Children Feel More Secure
Play is one of the important ways young children have of dealing with their concerns. Of course, playing about violent news can be scary and sometimes unsafe, so adults need to be nearby to help redirect that kind of play into nurturing themes, such as a hospital for the wounded or a pretend meal for emergency workers.
When children are scared and anxious, they might become more dependent, clingy, and afraid to go to bed at night. Whining, aggressive behavior, or toilet “accidents” may be their way of asking for more comfort from the important adults in their lives. Little by little, as the adults around them become more confident, hopeful and secure, our children probably will, too.
Turn Off the TV
When there’s something tragic in the news, many parents get concerned about what and how to tell their children. It’s even harder than usual if we’re struggling with our own powerful feelings about what has happened. Adults are sometimes surprised that their own reactions to a televised crisis are so strong, but great loss and devastation in the news often reawaken our own earlier losses and fears – even some we think we might have “forgotten”
It’s easy to allow ourselves to get drawn into watching televised news of a crisis for hours and hours; however, exposing ourselves to so many tragedies can make us feel hopeless, insecure, and even depressed. We help our children and ourselves if we’re able to limit our own television viewing. Our children need us to spend time with them – away from the frightening images on the screen.
Talking and Listening
Even if we wanted to, it would be impossible to give our children all the reasons for such things as war, terrorists, abuse, murders, major fires, hurricanes, and earthquakes. If they ask questions, our best answer may be to ask them, “What do you think happened?” If the answer is “I don’t know,” then the simplest reply might be something like, “I’m sad about the news, and I’m worried. But I love you, and I’m here to care for you.”
If we don’t let children know it’s okay to feel sad and scared, they may think something is wrong with them when they do feel that way. They certainly don’t need to hear all the details of what’s making us sad or scared, but if we can help them accept their own feelings as natural and normal, their feelings will be much more manageable for them.
Angry feelings are part of being human, especially when we feel powerless. One of the most important messages we can give our children is, “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hurt ourselves or others.” Besides giving children the right to their anger, we can help them find constructive things to do with their feelings. This way, we’ll be giving them useful tools that will serve them all their life, and help them to become the worlds’ future peacemakers — the world’s future “helpers.”
Helpful Hints
Do your best to keep the television off, or at least limit how much your child sees of any news event.
Try to keep yourself calm. Your presence can help your child feel more secure.
Give your child extra comfort and physical affection, like hugs or snuggling up together with a favorite book. Physical comfort goes a long way towards providing inner security. That closeness can nourish you, too.
Try to keep regular routines as normal as possible. Children and adults count on their familiar pattern of everyday life.
Plan something that you and your child enjoy doing together, like taking a walk, going on a picnic, having some quiet time, or doing something silly. It can help to know there are simple things in life that can help us feel better, in good times and in bad.
Even if children don’t mention what they’ve seen or heard in the news, it can help to ask what they think has happened. If parents don’t bring up the subject, children can be left with their misinterpretations. You may be really surprised at how much your child has heard from others.
Focus attention on the helpers, like the police, firemen, doctors, nurses, paramedics, and volunteers. It’s reassuring to know there are many caring people who are doing all they can to help others in this world.
Let your child know if you’re making a donation, going to a town meeting, writing a letter or e-mail of support, or taking some other action. It can help children to know that adults take many different active roles and that we don’t give in to helplessness in times of worldwide crisis.
What do we tell our children?
How do we reassure them of their own safety?
At The Dougy Center in Portland, Oregon, we’ve provided grief support groups for children, teens, young adults and their parents or adult caregivers since 1982.
Based on our experience, here are some things for adults to keep in mind as you struggle with how to talk with children following tragic events, such as natural disasters, plane crashes, or school shootings.
1. Don’t project your fears onto your children. They take their cues from the adults around them.
You can’t hear the news about children being murdered or communities devastated by natural disasters without thinking about how you’d feel if it happened to your family, friends, or hometown. The outpouring of care and empathy for the families who lost loved ones will be powerful, and…we all know it could have been our friends, our child, our family and community members who died or were injured.
Identifying with the senselessness and randomness makes us all feel more vulnerable. But we should remember that children don’t always see things the same way that adults do, and it won’t be helpful to them for us to fall apart. They need to see that we care, that we feel terrible about this tragedy, and that we will do everything we can to keep them safe. They will take their cues from our behavior.
It’s okay to show emotion. We can model for children that feeling sad, scared, and upset is normal after tragedies. But we don’t want to overwhelm them with our emotions, or put them in the position of having to ‘parent,’ or take care of, the adults around them. Make sure you also model taking care of yourself, by sharing with trusted and supportive adult friends, eating (and drinking) healthfully.
2. Try to limit their access to the recurring news and exposure to the tragedy over and over.
Over-exposure to the graphic and emotional news can be overwhelming for children and can cause unnecessary anxiety and fear. Some children who repeatedly watched the footage of planes crashing into the towers on 9/11 thought it was happening again and again. Some children (and some adults) may have difficulty getting graphic scenes and images out of their minds. Too much exposure can fuel their fear, so don’t let them sit and watch the news over and over. Better yet, set the example of not doing so yourself as well.
3. Understand that you can’t completely shield them from what happened.
It would be next to impossible to hide these events from children, as much as we wish we could. You might be able to shield your own child in your home, for example, by not turning on (or owning) a television, but you can’t protect your children from hearing about it from other kids. The fact is, they will hear about it, so although they don’t “need” to know about it, pretending we can shield them is magical thinking.
That said, you don’t need to give them more information than they can handle, or more than they’re asking for. A simple, “Did they talk about what happened in _____ today at school?” would be a good starter. They need to know that you’re not trying to hide the truth from them, that you’re open to talking about it, but that you’re also not forcing them to do so.
4. Model truth-telling and build trust with your children by letting them hear things, even hard things, from you directly.
Eight days after the 9/11 attacks, I was meeting in small groups with pre-school workers in New York City, talking about how to respond to the young children in their care about the events. A man asked to speak to me privately after one of the trainings, and asked for my advice around his 7-year-old daughter. For the last week, since September 12th, she had been having stomach aches and difficulty sleeping. He said it was not tied to the events of 9/11 because, “We don’t have a television.” As his story unfolded it was evident that he did not want to have to explain to his child why people would do such horrible things, a normal dilemma that we face as parents and adults. This child was experiencing physical reactions, as it turned out, not primarily because of her reaction to the events of 9/11, but because she was unable to share her fears and concerns and questions in her own home, faced with her parents’ denial.
Here are some principles to keep in mind as you talk with children:
1. There is no one typical reaction one can or should expect from children.
Their responses will vary all over the ‘emotional’ map, from seeming disinterest to nightmares, eating issues, and anxiety. How any specific child will respond will depend on their age, previous experience with death and loss, and their personality style. Fearful children will tend to worry; quiet children may keep their feelings to themselves; those who want to appear unfazed may exhibit a sense of bravado or lack of caring. Of course, children directly affected – those who had a family member die; those who witnessed the tragedy; those who had friends die – will tend to have longer-term reactions and needs. Watch for changes in behavior, or concerning trends. While it would be normal to have heightened anxiety and sleeplessness, any concerning behavior or troubling symptoms should be taken seriously, and if warranted, professional help sought.
2. Many children will have an increased sense of fear about their safety.
Understandably. So will many adults. After a shooting at an Oregon mall in December 2012, the news outlets were filled with people who said they’d never take their children there again. Others said they’d return as soon as it opened in order to support the stores and employees who had experienced the traumatic events, and whose livelihoods were going to suffer as a result of the several day closure. Some runners in the Boston Marathon vowed to return; others said they would never do so again.
While we can’t guarantee to our children that nothing bad will ever happen to them, we can provide assurance that these events are relatively rare, and that we will do everything we can to keep them safe. Children may have many questions about the events, particularly about natural disasters. Answer their questions with language that fits their developmental stage. It’s okay if you don’t know the answer to a question. If it’s a question that might have an answer, offer to look up more information. You can also ask children what they think the answer is as they often have thoughts and ideas they want to share with you. In the case of natural disasters, if your child is fearful of something like that happening in your community, talk with them about the safety plan that you have in place for your family and home. You can also look into what community safety measures are in place and whatever elements are relevant with your children. Many children will be reassured knowing that there are specific, tangible things they and your family can do if something occurs. Some examples include, picking a meeting place, keeping flashlights in every bedroom, talking about where you will keep emergency water and food.
3. Children want, need, and deserve the truth.
In over 30 years of providing grief support to thousands of children and teens at The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families, we have never heard a child say, “I’m glad I was lied to.” Many, however, struggle with anger and lack of trust toward parents or other adults who lied to them. When we don’t tell the truth, they learn that we cannot be trusted. As difficult as it can be at times, and as horrendous as the truth may be, children want, need, and deserve the truth. Being able to talk openly and honestly with your children about tragic events and other losses, creates a foundation of trust, enabling them to come to you in the future with their questions, fears, and concerns.
How race-related stress affects you and your relationship with your child
What effect does racism have on your health and well-being?
Not only does racism impact you as a parent, it can also impact how you interact with your children. Experiences of racism build on each other and can chip away at your emotional, physical and spiritual resources as a parent, contributing to race-related stress. Race-related stress can make it hard to have the space needed to take care of yourself as a parent, which reduces the emotional space you need to adequately take care of your children.
Physical Effects
Physical Effects can include increased hypertension, illness and risky behaviors such as substance use.
Emotional Effects
Emotional effects can include depression, anxiety, anger, irritability and aggression.
Spiritual Effects
Spiritual effects can include a decreased sense of purpose, lack of connection with the larger community, isolation from larger social groups and reduced involvement in communal activities that you enjoy.
Potential reactions to racial stress or trauma
Insecure Feelings
Feelings of shame and lack of confidence due to feeling that a situation cannot be changed.
Lack of Trust
Feeling detached or a lack of trust for others due to experiencing multiple losses or letdowns. This can make it very difficult to seek out help and to identify potential safe sources of support.
Triggers
Reminders of the event, such as particular people or situations, can also trigger strong emotional or physical responses (e.g., crying or rapid heartbeat).
Difficulty Controlling Emotions
Difficulty controlling emotional responses (going from “zero to one hundred”) can occur as the body helps you adapt to potentially unsafe situations, making you feel constantly on “alert.”
The body’s response to the experience of racism can make accessing resources to cope with the situation difficult. Race-related stress is unique in that it threatens psychological resources that are needed to cope and fulfill basic needs such as financial support, housing, access to jobs, etc.
When your body is in stress mode, it is geared up to help you and your child survive, which sometimes leads to impulsive decisions. If you live in a chronic state of stress related to racism, you can start to engage in survival coping. Survival coping can help you to deal with very hard or potentially life-threatening situations. However, if you continue to exist in this mode long-term, it can make it difficult to enjoy being in the moment with your child and can reduce your ability to feel safe and in control.
What impact can racial stress have on your parenting?
Experiencing race-related stress can also impact the quality of parenting relationships in the following ways:
Impostor syndrome
When you are exposed to racism repeatedly, you often start doubting yourself and can feel like you are an imposter in dominant culture settings or in settings where you feel as though you do not belong. Your inner thoughts might sound something like: “Am I being judged?” “Am I worthy?” “I got lucky.” “I only got this because I am Black.”
Being overly alert (hypervigilance)
Experiencing racial stress can make you more aware of potential dangers and negative experiences that can occur. This, in turn, can make the experience of parenting even more stressful. When you interact with your children, you can sometimes be reminded of negative race-related experiences that you had when you were a child. This reminder can amp up emotional responses, or hyperarousal, making it hard for you to “keep your cool” and be open to flexible problem solving.
“Helicopter parenting” (monitoring in fear)
These experiences of racism and unwarranted blame or lack of acceptance can make you want to protect your children so much, that you don’t allow them to explore in the way that they need to. You may shelter them from failures, which everyone needs to experience in order to learn how to manage everyday life. You may tend to be overly cautious or suspicious. Examples can include not allowing your children to have sleepovers or go to the park, even with your supervision.
Difficulty regulating emotions
When your past influences your emotional state, it can affect your emotional responses to both big and minor stressors with children, such as when they misbehave. This, in turn, can lead to being overprotective or overuse of physical discipline, as a means of survival.
For children, having parents who can keep perspective (stay cool) when children are upset, or misbehaving is very important. Likewise, it is important to stay calm when disciplining a child, otherwise discipline may go overboard. Both of these things can be hard if you are having difficulty controlling your emotions.
Avoidance
Avoiding situations that are related to racism can be a needed strategy to survive; such as instances that may involve violence or threat to yourself or your family. Sometimes you may avoid reminders of past experiences due to the pain or discomfort they cause.
If you find yourself avoiding strong feelings or situations with your child that bring up painful memories, it may make it hard to show affection and support for your child. It may even make it difficult to know how to provide emotional support for your child during times of stress. For instance, if your child brings up their own experience of oppression or an event in their life reminds you of something from your own childhood.
Mistrusting others
Racism can lead to distrust or mistrust of other communities. Internalized racism is when you begin to accept negative messages about your own abilities and inherent worth by the dominant group in society.
When you use society’s norms to judge yourself, you can feel depressed, unworthy and just not good enough. You are taught in many ways to take these feelings and paint them onto another group.
Intra and interracial violence, contention among disenfranchised communities or color, and the way the media conveys information about people of color, contribute to this.
This kind of coping can make you more vulnerable to racism, because on some level you may believe in racial hierarchy and difference when you belittle other groups. And when you show your children that it is right to discriminate against certain other groups, you make them more vulnerable to discrimination that they face.
Minimizing racism
Racism is overwhelming, as is the history of violence. You are sometimes taught that accepting this and minimizing racism is the only thing you can do. But when you ignore racism, and accept powerlessness, you encourage your kids to internalize racism. This can lead to increased levels of depression, anxiety and externalizing behaviors (e.g., engaging in risky behaviors, such as alcohol or substance use).
When you believe that you should be able to handle and manage it all without a break or without asking for help, you are at increased risk for health problems and can miss important cues about your well-being and safety.
Self-blame
Experiencing chronically unfair and dangerous discriminatory practices due to race can lead to feelings of low worth. For parents, this can also lead to a questioning of your parenting choices and abilities.
Unbalanced Racial and Ethnic Socialization (RES)
Unbalanced messaging or communication about race and ethnicity occurs when you only promote messages of mistrust, preparation for bias, or only give racial pride messages to your children.
Strategies to deal with racial stress and practice self-care.
So, what can you do to mitigate racial stress?
As parents, it is important to develop positive identities and share your cultural identities with your children. Positive cultural identity and advocacy are protective factors against racism, which can help to reduce and prevent racial stress.
There are many other ways to cope with stress and everyone has different preferences. Reducing stress can also allow you to model healthy coping strategies for your child. Here are some suggestions you can try.
Build or access a support network
Incorporate traditions at home
Get some exercise
Deep breathing
Journal
Limit your media intake
Counseling/therapy
Spirituality
Podcast
You are not the only person dealing with race-related stress and connecting with other people with similar experiences and feelings can help you to successfully navigate racism.
Talk with family and trusted friends specifically about racialized events that have occurred and how to handle them
Start or join a group with others who may have had similar experiences and similar interests, like a book club that reads books by Black authors, or spend time with other African American parents who have the same concerns you do about how your children are treated at the school.
Seek out activities that you can do with your friends or family (e.g., exercising, cooking, watching a family show or movie together, etc.)
Legislation
Much of the debate today is around gun control. Below are links to two bills currently pending in Congress.
Maternal Depression Support Groups and Educational Resources
On-line
Peer Support Groups & More! Postpartum
Support International (PSI) Weekly Support Groups: PSI facilitates a wide variety of postpartum support groups every week for diverse populations, and all family members.
PSI also staffs a non-emergency helpline for education and support: The number is 1-800-944-4773. PSI also offers a free peer mentor program where Mons or Dads can work 1-1 with a peer mentor once per week for up to 6 months.
Link to webpage for specific support groups, dates and times:
Free peer support groups and discussion forums, moderated by, “Well Mama,” for mothers and families on a wide variety of topics related to pregnancy and postpartum mental health.
People grieving a death often feel like no one understands what they’re going through. And truthfully, no one’s grief is exactly same. But people tell us the help they appreciate most comes from sharing with others who are also grieving a death.
Our children’s support groups are designed around age, type of death, and the connection to the person who died. Parent/adult caregiver groups run at the same time as the children’s support groups. Around 500 children and 350 adult family members come to our groups each month. Each person decides how long he or she wants to be at The Dougy Center.
In the groups, there is no right or wrong way to be. Nobody will tell you it’s time to move on. Or that an emotion you have is wrong or inappropriate. Here, through talking and listening, you’re free to find hope and comfort in your own personal way. Children can express themselves through play, music, art, games, and sharing.
Our unique approach, using peer group support to help people discover their own way through grief, has made The Dougy Center a worldwide leader in the field. More than 500 programs based on our model now thrive in the U.S., Canada, Africa, Australia, Europe and Japan. Our guidebooks assist parents, schools and others who deal with children affected by death, and our children’s activity books provide them an outlet for expression.
In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, The Dougy Center is hosting virtual support groups for our bereavement and Pathways programs. If your family lives in the Portland metro area and would like to participate, please call 503.775.5683 or email help@dougy.org.
At The Dougy Center we realize that:
Grief is a natural reaction to death;
Each individual has a natural capacity to heal from loss;
Duration and intensity of grief are unique to each individual; and
Caring and acceptance assist in the healing process.
Orientation lasts approximately one hour. During that time, adults and children/teens are broken into separate groups where we explain the program. Questions are answered, and everyone is given a tour. Children and teens watch a Dougy Center video produced by the TV program 20/20. The adults learn about how to have a child or teen begin participation at the Center and receive all the application forms. Coming to an orientation does not mean the child/teen becomes a participant. We encourage the adults to allow the children and teens to make the final decision for themselves.
LYGHT Groups – Listening and Led by Youth in Foster Care: Grief, Hope, and Transitions
At the core of the L.Y.G.H.T. program, we aim to raise awareness about how grieving youth in foster care experience marginalization on various levels, create ways to provide trauma-informed peer support to youth in foster care, and promote the importance of moving the child welfare community toward a grief-informed holistic model of care.
“It helps you to feel like you are not alone. They are also going through something as well and you can help each other.” – L.Y.G.H.T. program participant
These listings are provided for information only; they are not recommendations or endorsements.
Due to the COVID pandemic, many pet loss support groups have switched to virtual meetings via Zoom, Google, etc. This has made it possible for many groups to open their meetings to grieving pet owners anywhere in the world. Below, we list a number of support groups in the US that now offer their virtual meetings to anyone, anywhere.
While this list is organized by state for convenience, again, keep in mind that you do not need to be a resident of that state to attend. However, do keep in mind that different states involve different time zones; be sure to check not only the time but the zone of the meeting you wish to attend.
AZ: Hospice of the Valley’s Pet Loss Support Group meets on the first Saturday of every month from 9-11 a.m. Groups are virtual and open to anyone, anywhere, grieving the loss of a beloved companion animal. Please call 602-636-5390 for information and to obtain the link. info@hov.org,https://hov.org/our-care/grief-support/grief-support-groups/
CA: The Berkeley Humane Pet Loss Support Group now meets VIRTUALLY on the SECOND WEDNESDAY of each month, 7-8:30 pm. Send an email to Jill Goodfriend expressing an interest in attending the group. Jill will acknowledge your message and send you the Zoom link by 5 pm on the day of the meeting. Confidentiality requested for all shares. There is no fee; however, donations to the Berkeley Humane are most appreciated (2700 Ninth St, Berkeley, CA 94710). For questions, or to set up a complimentary consultation, contact Jill Goodfriend, RN, LCSW, at Jill.goodfriend@gmail.com. or (510) 393-1359. hhttps://berkeleyhumane.org/community-resources/, http://jillgoodfriend.com/Jill_Goodfriend/Home.html.
CA: Peninsula Humane Society Pet Loss Support Group, 1450 Rollins Road, Burlingame CA. Led by a professional counselor, our group meets virtually the second Thursday of each month, from 8-9:30 pm. Free. For more information, please contact Brian Probst at 650/340-7022, ext. 328, bprobst@phs-spca.org, https://phs-spca.org/grief/.
CO: Animal Assisted Therapy Programs of Colorado (AATPC) – Virtual Pet Loss Support Group, Fridays 12-1 MST. Free and virtual via Zoom. Open enrollment, join any time! Registration required on AATPC’s website. Open to anyone looking for support around the loss of an animal companion OR the anticipation of loss of an animal companion. All animal types welcome. Open to anyone in the world! Facilitated by Erin Peterson, licensed professional therapist. https://www.animalassistedtherapyprograms.org/animal-assisted-therapy-programs/therapy-groups/54-therapy-programs/380-virtual-pet-loss-support-group.
IL: Virtual Meeting sponsored by Gateway. We meet at 6:30 pm the third Monday of each month; free of charge to attendees. Facilitator: Joy Davy, MS, LCPC. For information, email joydavy723@gmail.com.
IL: Rev. Russell Elleven, DMin. This FREE pet loss support group meets the first Wednesday of every month at 8:00 pm (Eastern) via Zoom. Please visit the website and contact Russell for Zoom Link and Passcode.Rev. Russell Elleven, DMin is an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister who celebrates all faith traditions and those with no faith tradition at all. Everyone who is suffering from the loss of an animal companion is welcomed and offered nonjudgmental support through the FREE group or one-on-one (fee based) meetings. You need not suffer this loss alone. http://www.AnimalChaplain.net.
MA: Darin Humane Society, 171 Union Street, Springfield, MA, (413) 781-4000, Kenddv@gmail.com. This group, led by Ken Dolan-DelVecchio, LMFT, LCSW is sponsored by Dakin Humane Society. It is held once a month. It is a Zoom group open to anyone in the country or world and starts at 6PM EST running for one and one-half hours. The days can change so please go to https://www.dakinhumane.org/petloss.html to RSVP.
MA: Humane Hearts, West Newbury, MA 01985, 978.572.0698, marla@humanehearts.com, http://humanehearts.com. Individual, Family, and Group Support available for those who have experienced the loss of a pet or those who are anticipating a loss. See website for details as to where and when we meet. Sessions led by life-long animal advocate and humane educator Marla Andrews, M.Ed., Humane Education and Animal Welfare, Certified Grief Support Specialist, and Pet Chaplain.
MI: Micky Golden Moore, Ph.D., MSHP, Beyond The Paw Print Pet Loss Support Group. Meets the 2nd Monday of every month. For more information about these VIRTUAL meetings and how to join, please email info@beyondthepawprint.com, or leave a message at 248.701.2345. Visit the Beyond the Paw Print website to learn more about Dr. Golden Moore, the meetings, the BTPP Facebook group, and much more, at https://beyondthepawprint.com/.
NJ: Sandra Grossman, Ph.D., PetLoss Partners. The loss of a beloved pet is so very difficult. It’s important to know you don’t have to go through this alone. Get the support you deserve surrounded by those who understand and are on the path towards recovery. Virtual groups are held twice a week, are available to anyone anywhere, and are RSVP only. The fee for virtual groups is $15. Call or email to RSVP. We are here to support you. 818-421-1516, sandi@petlosspartners.org,https://petlosspartners.org/pet-loss-services/
OH: GAP (Grief About Pets) now offers two FREE pet loss groups. One is sponsored by Eternal Paws in Norton, Ohio, and offered on-site there on the second Wednesday of every month at 6:30 p.m. The other is sponsored by Faithful Companion and offered on the fourth Wed. of every month online using Google Meet at 6:30 p.m. If we have over ten pet parents register, we can offer another at 4:30 p.m. Brenda Brown, MA, Ft, is the facilitator of all the groups. Register by emailing brenda@griefaboutpets.com or calling 330-415-8879. https://griefaboutpets.com.
OH: Dorothy Hall, MS, RN, Pet Loss Support Group, Columbus, OH 43229, (614) 895-3416, djhall2451@att.net. Meetings held on Zoom; contact Dorothy for details.
OR: Debrah Lee, LCSW, DoveLewis Veterinary Emergency & Specialty Hospital, 1945 NW Petty Grove, Portland, OR 97209, (503) 228-7281, petloss@dovelewis.org. Virtual and in-person meetings are offered; see website for schedule and to register to attend. https://www.dovelewis.org/pet-owners/pet-loss-support.
TX: PAWs Shelter of Central Texas, 2965 Farm to Market 165, Dripping Springs, TX 78620, jyl@pawsshelter.org, https://heartoftexaspetlossandgriefsupport.com/. Group meets virtually on the Second Sunday of each month via Zoom, and is free of charge. Go through the website to contact facilitator for details, readings and the Zoom link. Group is for people ready to work in the group format, and is not appropriate for those needing individual counseling.
VA: FetchACure.org – Meets via Zoom on the first Tuesday of the month from 5:30-6:30 pm. Meetings are led by Dr. Leslie Greenberg, an experienced psychologist and member of the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. Families are invited to attend our group sessions to help work through the pain of losing a pet. All family members, including children, are invited to attend this complementary Pet Loss Support Group. Please RSVP here or by emailing amanda@fetchacure.org, https://fetchacure.org/resource-library/pet-loss-support-group/
VA: Holli Shan, Compassionate Animal Communication, LLC, (703) 447-5374, holli@compassionspeaks.com, https://compassionspeaks.com. We are now offering a virtual online pet loss grief support group. This group will meet on the last Wednesday of each month from 6:00PM to 7:00 PM Eastern Time. This is a good opportunity for people who are grieving and are not quite ready for a private session or program. While there is no set fee to attend, this group is “pay what you will” (suggested amount is $15). Register at https://info.compassionspeaks.com/register.
WA: Pet Loss Support Group, Seattle Animal Shelter – 2061 15th Avenue West, Seattle WA, 98119, 206-386-PETS, http://www.seattle.gov/animal-shelter/resources/pet-loss-support-group. The loss of a pet can be very difficult. Our volunteers are here to help. The Pet Loss Support Group meets by phone/Webex every Thursday from 5:30-6:45 p.m. For the schedule and details on how to join the virtual meeting, please email saspetloss@gmail.com
WI: Linda Colletti, Pet Loss Resource Center. Offers two virtual support groups: The first Saturday of every month 9:30-11:00 CST and the third Thursday 6Pm-7:30pm CST. All are welcome. If any one has questions, contact me at PLRCMadison@gmail.com, https://www.petlossresourcecenter.org/.
An association of pet loss counselors and professionals. The site offers links, articles, a bookstore, and directories of counselors and pet loss support groups.
I don’t usually post links to personal tributes, but this is a wonderful, moving example of how to plan a “parting day” and create a farewell event for one’s pet and family.
An excellent resource from pet loss counselor Marty Tousley. It offers an extensive collection of Marty’s articles and columns on grief, plus other resources.
This is a fabulous site with lots of resources. It offers free tributes, a means of keeping a pet loss or remembrance diary, and loads of quotes on pets and pet loss.
This is not a Christian site per se, but has some interesting comparisons of religious views on the issue, as well as a discussion of pets on the astral plane.
Information and advocacy regarding natural burials within pet cemeteries for those who prefer burial to cremation, and natural burial to underground entombment. They also address pet burials in family plots of (human) cemeteries.
Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Ectopic Pregnancy Support Groups
If you have suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or ectopic pregnancy and need an extra source of support, or if you wish to do something to help further miscarriage awareness, there is help out there. A number of nonprofit organizations around the world aim to spread awareness of pregnancy and infant loss and offer support services. Some are regional in focus but others have a national and even international reach. The following is a list of some of the major pregnancy loss awareness organizations.
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support
Steve Debenport/E+/Getty Images
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support was established in 1977 and has been active in numerous pregnancy loss advocacy and awareness activities including everything from promoting the rights of parents to bury their miscarried babies, to organizing support groups around the nation. The organization’s website contains a collection of support resources as well as a list of regional support groups. If no support group is in your area, Share can also advise you on how to start one
March of Dimes
The March of Dimes is one of the most well-known and well-established organizations focusing on pregnancy health. March of Dimes has a lot of information on the causes and possible prevention of premature birth, a leading cause of infant death, and it is involved in numerous advocacy efforts to drive research into ways to prevent birth defects and infant death.
As a start, every woman who is pregnant should be aware of the risk factors for premature birth as well as the signs and symptoms of premature labor.1
International Stillbirth Alliance (ISA)
The International Stillbirth Alliance (ISA) is a coalition of stillbirth awareness groups and organizations that work to promote stillbirth research and awareness of stillbirth. The group offers support resources for parents as well as information about ongoing research into stillbirth.
The Miscarriage Association
The Miscarriage Association is a UK-based support association that offers many resources to help families cope with miscarriage and to spread awareness of miscarriage. They use the general term miscarriage but include support for those who have had an ectopic pregnancy or molar pregnancy as well. The group has a network of support volunteers who can lend a listening ear
The miscarriage association also provides information to help people better understand everything from the tests done to look for a miscarriage, to information on “trying again” after your loss.
Sands
Sands stands for Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support. This group is based in the UK, but Sands has chapters in countries around the world. The group offers support to all individuals affected by stillbirth or loss of a newborn infant, and its website includes information on local groups and advocacy opportunities.
Sands also recognizes the importance of bereavement care,2 which has, unfortunately, been addressed to a less degree than the symptoms and treatment of pregnancy loss.
The Compassionate Friends
The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is not exclusively focused on pregnancy loss but focuses on providing support for bereaved families who are grieving the death of a child. The group does offer information and support for pregnancy loss of any kind.
MISS Foundation
The MISS Foundation focuses on crisis support and other aid to families grieving the loss of a child. The group is not exclusively focused on pregnancy loss but is involved in a lot of activities related to miscarriage and stillbirth awareness, such as the MISSing Angels Bills that have been considered or passed in many U.S. states with the idea of granting parents the right to receive a state-issued certificate of stillbirth recognizing the loss of a baby to stillbirth.
Center for Loss in Multiple Birth (CLIMB)
The Center for Loss in Multiple Birth (CLIMB) offers support to parents who have lost babies in multiple pregnancies, including those who have lost all babies in the pregnancy as well as those who have lost one twin.
The site offers fact sheets aimed at dads, grandparents, siblings, and survivors as well as information about research into this type of pregnancy loss.
Helping After Neonatal Death (HAND)
Helping After Neonatal Death (HAND) is a California support group for late pregnancy loss and neonatal loss. Its website features fact sheets and information about local groups in northern California. The group also offers two in-person support groups as well as phone support for grieving parents.
Even if you are not a California native, the HAND website provides support, including letters addressed to parents, friends , and family, and even health care professionals who are facing the grief which accompanies stillbirth and neonatal death.
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust
The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust is a group sponsored by London’s King College Hospital. The website has information on the causes and treatment of ectopic pregnancy, as well as support forums. The group supports research into early diagnosis of ectopic pregnancy and means of prevention.
The website (of course, easily accessible to those outside the UK) has abundant resources with information on a number of topics surrounding ectopic pregnancy. It even has information for dad’s and ectopic pregnancy, recognizing the difficulties faced by those who are “so close but yet so far.”3
Tommy’s
Tommy’s functions as something of a UK-based March of Dimes equivalent. The group has information on how to have a healthy pregnancy and prevent any preventable stillbirths or preterm births. The group also supports research on miscarriage prevention and causes.
Warmline – TAPS – The Tragedy Assistance Program For Survivors – Military Survivor Helpline 800-959-TAPS (8277) – Grief Counseling
@ Phone
Please note this program is specifically designed for survivors grieving the death of a military loved one.
Individual grief counseling is important to many survivors in our grief journeys. The opportunity to sit one-on-one with a skilled therapist who understands grief and trauma can help you work through some of the hardest parts of your loss. Finding the right fit is important, and we can help. The right grief counselor can help you discover strengths, develop your own coping skills, and help you work through questions, changes in relationships, and secondary losses.
We rely on a large network of strong community partners, and we are confident we can connect you with resources specific to your needs. Each resource has been verified and actively supports the TAPS mission. We do careful research and compile resources with love and care.
Call our military survivor helpline
800-959-TAPS (8277)
or
email info@taps.org
to be connected with grief and trauma resources.
PA – ProjectABLE – Guides to Gadgets – Wednesdays
@ Online via Zoom
Online Virtual Activities Now Available – As a cautionary measure due to the Covid-19 Corona Virus, Project ABLE will be hosting our groups, activities and events online. Click on the link below to learn how to access our Virtual Activities!
Resources for Families and Children Facing Tragic Events
Racial Stress – Racism – Hate Crimes
Helpful Resources to Address the Mass Shooting in Uvalde, Texas
Many thanks to Michelle Zabel, MSS, Assistant Dean, and Director, The Institute for Innovation and Implementation, for compiling this list of resources in response to the horrific mass shooting in Texas earlier this week.
Helping Young People Cope With Mental Health Challenges
Vox Media’s NowThis is linking arms with Ken Burns and PBS to share an upcoming documentary titled “Hiding in Plain Sight: Youth Mental Illness.” Scenes from the forthcoming film will be shared across NowThis social platforms throughout Mental Health Awareness Month in May. NowThis will host a live TikTok conversation about the topic, as well. The goal, Burns said, is “to get this material out to young people around the country.” The film itself will debut at the end of June on PBS.
Uplift by Youth Era: Teaching Youth Peer Support Skills
More than 500 youth signed up for the most recent Uplift event! Studied by the University of Oxford and co-designed with young adults, Uplift by Youth Era is the future of peer support. Empower a young person in your life to be who they need, and apply to join the next Uplift training in June!
Randolph “Randy” Muck September 14, 1955 to April 21, 2021 in Memoriam
On the first anniversary of his death, several of us who knew and worked with Randy write this tribute to remember and honor his impact on so many people. Randy provided much-needed leadership from within the federal government to develop and disseminate evidence-based substance use treatments designed for adolescents and their families. He was successful because he had a rare ability to connect with all the groups important to improving adolescent treatment: provider organizations, schools, juvenile justice, counselors, federal agency decision-makers, researchers, private foundations, and most importantly—adolescents and their families. He saw how these groups could align their different interests and collaborate. This, in turn, helped youth, families, and systems of care in ways that continue to have an impact.
HHS Awards Nearly $25 Million to Expand Access to School-Based Health Services The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), through the Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA), recently announced nearly $25 million will be made available to improve and strengthen access to school-based health services in communities across the country. Awards will support local partnerships between schools and health centers to provide children and youth with the comprehensive physical and mental health care they need.
Investing in Prevention Makes Good Financial Sense Primary prevention—including screening and intervention before negative health outcomes occur—is relatively inexpensive. The higher-risk behaviors it is designed to reduce are so costly to the healthcare system that it is staggeringly wasteful not to make sure that screening and treatment referrals are readily implemented and faithfully reimbursed by insurers and that interventions are convenient for parents and their children.
PAX Good Behavior Game Speaking of prevention…
The PAX Good Behavior Game is an evidence-based universal preventive intervention applied by teachers in the classroom. This evidence-based practice consists of research-based strategies with origins in behavioral science, neuroscience, and cultural wisdom that operate together to improve children’s self-regulation. Teachers implement these strategies as part of their daily routines in carrying out tasks such as getting students’ attention, selecting students for tasks, transitioning from one task to the next, working as part of a team, limiting problematic behavior, and reinforcing pro-social behavior.
HHS Launches New Maternal Mental Health Hotline
The Maternal Mental Health Hotline is a new, confidential, toll-free hotline for expecting and new moms experiencing mental health challenges. Those who contact the hotline can receive a range of support, including brief interventions from trained culturally and trauma-informed counselors and referrals to both community-based and telehealth providers as needed. Callers also will receive evidence-based information and referrals to support groups and other community resources.
Six Things You Need To Know About Music and Health A growing body of research suggests that listening to or performing music affects the brain in ways that may help promote health and manage disease symptoms. More justification for the plethora of music videos posted in Friday Update!
Going Digital: Behavioral Health Tech Aaahhhh!!! Less than 20 days!!! Well? Have you registered for the 2022 Going Digital: Behavioral Health Tech summit on June 8-9th yet? Can’t make it? Wondering if you can access all of the sessions with our hundreds of speakers after June 8-9th? YES, but ONLY if you register in advance. So, you should probably get on that.
Building a More Equitable Juvenile Justice System for Everyone Racial inequities regarding the policing of children, and the subsequent disparities in their treatment within the juvenile justice system, have been problems in this country for far too long. It is encouraging that many states and counties are not only recognizing these issues but are taking action. The CSG Justice Center is committed to providing research-driven, data-informed solutions to our partners to continue building safer and stronger communities for everyone, especially our youth.
Disruptions to School and Home Life Among High School Students During the COVID-19 Pandemic — Adolescent Behaviors and Experiences Survey, United States, January–June 2021 Young people have experienced disruptions to school and home life since the COVID-19 pandemic began in March 2020. From January to June 2021, CDC conducted the Adolescent Behaviors and Experiences Survey (ABES), an online survey of a probability-based, nationally representative sample of U.S. public- and private-school students in grades 9–12. ABES data were used to estimate the prevalence of disruptions and adverse experiences during the pandemic, including parental and personal job loss, homelessness, hunger, emotional or physical abuse by a parent or other adult at home, receipt of telemedicine, and difficulty completing schoolwork. Prevalence estimates are presented for all students by sex, race and ethnicity, grade, sexual identity, and difficulty completing schoolwork.
CDC Survey Finds the Pandemic Had a Big Impact on Teens’ Mental Health According to a survey published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than four in 10 teens report feeling “persistently sad or hopeless” during the COVID-19 pandemic. Girls were twice as likely to experience mental health troubles compared to boys. And LGBTQ students were hit the hardest. The CDC’s findings were gathered from online surveys from a sample of 7,700 US students during the first six months of 2021.
New Initiative to Define Policy Recommendations for Embedding Equity into 988 The Kennedy-Satcher Center for Mental Health Equity & Beacon Health Options are joining forces to create and develop an equitable crisis response for the future of behavioral health service delivery ahead of the July 2022 launch of 988.
State Policymakers Can Support Equitable School-based Telemental Health Services This brief presents five ways state policymakers can support equitable school-based telemental health services, with recommendations based on relevant policy context, existing research, and—in some cases—feedback from interviews with five TMH providers who testified to on-the-ground experience with these interventions.
In times of community or world-wide crisis, it’s easy to assume that young children don’t know what’s going on. But one thing’s for sure — children are very sensitive to how their parents feel. They’re keenly aware of the expressions on their parents’ faces and the tone of their voices. Children can sense when their parents are really worried, whether they’re watching the news or talking about it with others. No matter what children know about a “crisis,” it’s especially scary for children to realize that their parents are scared.
Some Scary, Confusing Images
The way that news is presented on television can be quite confusing for a young child. The same video segment may be shown over and over again through the day, as if each showing was a different event. Someone who has died turns up alive and then dies again and again. Children often become very anxious since they don’t understand much about videotape replays, closeups, and camera angles. Any televised danger seems close to home to them because the tragic scenes are taking place on the TV set in their own living room. Children can’t tell the difference between what’s close and what’s far away, what’s real and what’s pretend, or what’s new and what’s re-run.
The younger the children are, the more likely they are to be interested in scenes of close-up faces, particularly if the people are expressing some strong feelings. When there’s tragic news, the images on TV are most often much too graphic and disturbing for young children.
“Who will take care of me?”
In times of crisis, children want to know, “Who will take care of me?” They’re dependent on adults for their survival and security. They’re naturally self-centered. They need to hear very clearly that their parents are doing all they can to take care of them and to keep them safe. They also need to hear that people in the government and other grown-ups they don’t even know are working hard to keep them safe, too.
Helping Children Feel More Secure
Play is one of the important ways young children have of dealing with their concerns. Of course, playing about violent news can be scary and sometimes unsafe, so adults need to be nearby to help redirect that kind of play into nurturing themes, such as a hospital for the wounded or a pretend meal for emergency workers.
When children are scared and anxious, they might become more dependent, clingy, and afraid to go to bed at night. Whining, aggressive behavior, or toilet “accidents” may be their way of asking for more comfort from the important adults in their lives. Little by little, as the adults around them become more confident, hopeful and secure, our children probably will, too.
Turn Off the TV
When there’s something tragic in the news, many parents get concerned about what and how to tell their children. It’s even harder than usual if we’re struggling with our own powerful feelings about what has happened. Adults are sometimes surprised that their own reactions to a televised crisis are so strong, but great loss and devastation in the news often reawaken our own earlier losses and fears – even some we think we might have “forgotten”
It’s easy to allow ourselves to get drawn into watching televised news of a crisis for hours and hours; however, exposing ourselves to so many tragedies can make us feel hopeless, insecure, and even depressed. We help our children and ourselves if we’re able to limit our own television viewing. Our children need us to spend time with them – away from the frightening images on the screen.
Talking and Listening
Even if we wanted to, it would be impossible to give our children all the reasons for such things as war, terrorists, abuse, murders, major fires, hurricanes, and earthquakes. If they ask questions, our best answer may be to ask them, “What do you think happened?” If the answer is “I don’t know,” then the simplest reply might be something like, “I’m sad about the news, and I’m worried. But I love you, and I’m here to care for you.”
If we don’t let children know it’s okay to feel sad and scared, they may think something is wrong with them when they do feel that way. They certainly don’t need to hear all the details of what’s making us sad or scared, but if we can help them accept their own feelings as natural and normal, their feelings will be much more manageable for them.
Angry feelings are part of being human, especially when we feel powerless. One of the most important messages we can give our children is, “It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to hurt ourselves or others.” Besides giving children the right to their anger, we can help them find constructive things to do with their feelings. This way, we’ll be giving them useful tools that will serve them all their life, and help them to become the worlds’ future peacemakers — the world’s future “helpers.”
Helpful Hints
Do your best to keep the television off, or at least limit how much your child sees of any news event.
Try to keep yourself calm. Your presence can help your child feel more secure.
Give your child extra comfort and physical affection, like hugs or snuggling up together with a favorite book. Physical comfort goes a long way towards providing inner security. That closeness can nourish you, too.
Try to keep regular routines as normal as possible. Children and adults count on their familiar pattern of everyday life.
Plan something that you and your child enjoy doing together, like taking a walk, going on a picnic, having some quiet time, or doing something silly. It can help to know there are simple things in life that can help us feel better, in good times and in bad.
Even if children don’t mention what they’ve seen or heard in the news, it can help to ask what they think has happened. If parents don’t bring up the subject, children can be left with their misinterpretations. You may be really surprised at how much your child has heard from others.
Focus attention on the helpers, like the police, firemen, doctors, nurses, paramedics, and volunteers. It’s reassuring to know there are many caring people who are doing all they can to help others in this world.
Let your child know if you’re making a donation, going to a town meeting, writing a letter or e-mail of support, or taking some other action. It can help children to know that adults take many different active roles and that we don’t give in to helplessness in times of worldwide crisis.
What do we tell our children?
How do we reassure them of their own safety?
At The Dougy Center in Portland, Oregon, we’ve provided grief support groups for children, teens, young adults and their parents or adult caregivers since 1982.
Based on our experience, here are some things for adults to keep in mind as you struggle with how to talk with children following tragic events, such as natural disasters, plane crashes, or school shootings.
1. Don’t project your fears onto your children. They take their cues from the adults around them.
You can’t hear the news about children being murdered or communities devastated by natural disasters without thinking about how you’d feel if it happened to your family, friends, or hometown. The outpouring of care and empathy for the families who lost loved ones will be powerful, and…we all know it could have been our friends, our child, our family and community members who died or were injured.
Identifying with the senselessness and randomness makes us all feel more vulnerable. But we should remember that children don’t always see things the same way that adults do, and it won’t be helpful to them for us to fall apart. They need to see that we care, that we feel terrible about this tragedy, and that we will do everything we can to keep them safe. They will take their cues from our behavior.
It’s okay to show emotion. We can model for children that feeling sad, scared, and upset is normal after tragedies. But we don’t want to overwhelm them with our emotions, or put them in the position of having to ‘parent,’ or take care of, the adults around them. Make sure you also model taking care of yourself, by sharing with trusted and supportive adult friends, eating (and drinking) healthfully.
2. Try to limit their access to the recurring news and exposure to the tragedy over and over.
Over-exposure to the graphic and emotional news can be overwhelming for children and can cause unnecessary anxiety and fear. Some children who repeatedly watched the footage of planes crashing into the towers on 9/11 thought it was happening again and again. Some children (and some adults) may have difficulty getting graphic scenes and images out of their minds. Too much exposure can fuel their fear, so don’t let them sit and watch the news over and over. Better yet, set the example of not doing so yourself as well.
3. Understand that you can’t completely shield them from what happened.
It would be next to impossible to hide these events from children, as much as we wish we could. You might be able to shield your own child in your home, for example, by not turning on (or owning) a television, but you can’t protect your children from hearing about it from other kids. The fact is, they will hear about it, so although they don’t “need” to know about it, pretending we can shield them is magical thinking.
That said, you don’t need to give them more information than they can handle, or more than they’re asking for. A simple, “Did they talk about what happened in _____ today at school?” would be a good starter. They need to know that you’re not trying to hide the truth from them, that you’re open to talking about it, but that you’re also not forcing them to do so.
4. Model truth-telling and build trust with your children by letting them hear things, even hard things, from you directly.
Eight days after the 9/11 attacks, I was meeting in small groups with pre-school workers in New York City, talking about how to respond to the young children in their care about the events. A man asked to speak to me privately after one of the trainings, and asked for my advice around his 7-year-old daughter. For the last week, since September 12th, she had been having stomach aches and difficulty sleeping. He said it was not tied to the events of 9/11 because, “We don’t have a television.” As his story unfolded it was evident that he did not want to have to explain to his child why people would do such horrible things, a normal dilemma that we face as parents and adults. This child was experiencing physical reactions, as it turned out, not primarily because of her reaction to the events of 9/11, but because she was unable to share her fears and concerns and questions in her own home, faced with her parents’ denial.
Here are some principles to keep in mind as you talk with children:
1. There is no one typical reaction one can or should expect from children.
Their responses will vary all over the ‘emotional’ map, from seeming disinterest to nightmares, eating issues, and anxiety. How any specific child will respond will depend on their age, previous experience with death and loss, and their personality style. Fearful children will tend to worry; quiet children may keep their feelings to themselves; those who want to appear unfazed may exhibit a sense of bravado or lack of caring. Of course, children directly affected – those who had a family member die; those who witnessed the tragedy; those who had friends die – will tend to have longer-term reactions and needs. Watch for changes in behavior, or concerning trends. While it would be normal to have heightened anxiety and sleeplessness, any concerning behavior or troubling symptoms should be taken seriously, and if warranted, professional help sought.
2. Many children will have an increased sense of fear about their safety.
Understandably. So will many adults. After a shooting at an Oregon mall in December 2012, the news outlets were filled with people who said they’d never take their children there again. Others said they’d return as soon as it opened in order to support the stores and employees who had experienced the traumatic events, and whose livelihoods were going to suffer as a result of the several day closure. Some runners in the Boston Marathon vowed to return; others said they would never do so again.
While we can’t guarantee to our children that nothing bad will ever happen to them, we can provide assurance that these events are relatively rare, and that we will do everything we can to keep them safe. Children may have many questions about the events, particularly about natural disasters. Answer their questions with language that fits their developmental stage. It’s okay if you don’t know the answer to a question. If it’s a question that might have an answer, offer to look up more information. You can also ask children what they think the answer is as they often have thoughts and ideas they want to share with you. In the case of natural disasters, if your child is fearful of something like that happening in your community, talk with them about the safety plan that you have in place for your family and home. You can also look into what community safety measures are in place and whatever elements are relevant with your children. Many children will be reassured knowing that there are specific, tangible things they and your family can do if something occurs. Some examples include, picking a meeting place, keeping flashlights in every bedroom, talking about where you will keep emergency water and food.
3. Children want, need, and deserve the truth.
In over 30 years of providing grief support to thousands of children and teens at The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families, we have never heard a child say, “I’m glad I was lied to.” Many, however, struggle with anger and lack of trust toward parents or other adults who lied to them. When we don’t tell the truth, they learn that we cannot be trusted. As difficult as it can be at times, and as horrendous as the truth may be, children want, need, and deserve the truth. Being able to talk openly and honestly with your children about tragic events and other losses, creates a foundation of trust, enabling them to come to you in the future with their questions, fears, and concerns.
How race-related stress affects you and your relationship with your child
What effect does racism have on your health and well-being?
Not only does racism impact you as a parent, it can also impact how you interact with your children. Experiences of racism build on each other and can chip away at your emotional, physical and spiritual resources as a parent, contributing to race-related stress. Race-related stress can make it hard to have the space needed to take care of yourself as a parent, which reduces the emotional space you need to adequately take care of your children.
Physical Effects
Physical Effects can include increased hypertension, illness and risky behaviors such as substance use.
Emotional Effects
Emotional effects can include depression, anxiety, anger, irritability and aggression.
Spiritual Effects
Spiritual effects can include a decreased sense of purpose, lack of connection with the larger community, isolation from larger social groups and reduced involvement in communal activities that you enjoy.
Potential reactions to racial stress or trauma
Insecure Feelings
Feelings of shame and lack of confidence due to feeling that a situation cannot be changed.
Lack of Trust
Feeling detached or a lack of trust for others due to experiencing multiple losses or letdowns. This can make it very difficult to seek out help and to identify potential safe sources of support.
Triggers
Reminders of the event, such as particular people or situations, can also trigger strong emotional or physical responses (e.g., crying or rapid heartbeat).
Difficulty Controlling Emotions
Difficulty controlling emotional responses (going from “zero to one hundred”) can occur as the body helps you adapt to potentially unsafe situations, making you feel constantly on “alert.”
The body’s response to the experience of racism can make accessing resources to cope with the situation difficult. Race-related stress is unique in that it threatens psychological resources that are needed to cope and fulfill basic needs such as financial support, housing, access to jobs, etc.
When your body is in stress mode, it is geared up to help you and your child survive, which sometimes leads to impulsive decisions. If you live in a chronic state of stress related to racism, you can start to engage in survival coping. Survival coping can help you to deal with very hard or potentially life-threatening situations. However, if you continue to exist in this mode long-term, it can make it difficult to enjoy being in the moment with your child and can reduce your ability to feel safe and in control.
What impact can racial stress have on your parenting?
Experiencing race-related stress can also impact the quality of parenting relationships in the following ways:
Impostor syndrome
When you are exposed to racism repeatedly, you often start doubting yourself and can feel like you are an imposter in dominant culture settings or in settings where you feel as though you do not belong. Your inner thoughts might sound something like: “Am I being judged?” “Am I worthy?” “I got lucky.” “I only got this because I am Black.”
Being overly alert (hypervigilance)
Experiencing racial stress can make you more aware of potential dangers and negative experiences that can occur. This, in turn, can make the experience of parenting even more stressful. When you interact with your children, you can sometimes be reminded of negative race-related experiences that you had when you were a child. This reminder can amp up emotional responses, or hyperarousal, making it hard for you to “keep your cool” and be open to flexible problem solving.
“Helicopter parenting” (monitoring in fear)
These experiences of racism and unwarranted blame or lack of acceptance can make you want to protect your children so much, that you don’t allow them to explore in the way that they need to. You may shelter them from failures, which everyone needs to experience in order to learn how to manage everyday life. You may tend to be overly cautious or suspicious. Examples can include not allowing your children to have sleepovers or go to the park, even with your supervision.
Difficulty regulating emotions
When your past influences your emotional state, it can affect your emotional responses to both big and minor stressors with children, such as when they misbehave. This, in turn, can lead to being overprotective or overuse of physical discipline, as a means of survival.
For children, having parents who can keep perspective (stay cool) when children are upset, or misbehaving is very important. Likewise, it is important to stay calm when disciplining a child, otherwise discipline may go overboard. Both of these things can be hard if you are having difficulty controlling your emotions.
Avoidance
Avoiding situations that are related to racism can be a needed strategy to survive; such as instances that may involve violence or threat to yourself or your family. Sometimes you may avoid reminders of past experiences due to the pain or discomfort they cause.
If you find yourself avoiding strong feelings or situations with your child that bring up painful memories, it may make it hard to show affection and support for your child. It may even make it difficult to know how to provide emotional support for your child during times of stress. For instance, if your child brings up their own experience of oppression or an event in their life reminds you of something from your own childhood.
Mistrusting others
Racism can lead to distrust or mistrust of other communities. Internalized racism is when you begin to accept negative messages about your own abilities and inherent worth by the dominant group in society.
When you use society’s norms to judge yourself, you can feel depressed, unworthy and just not good enough. You are taught in many ways to take these feelings and paint them onto another group.
Intra and interracial violence, contention among disenfranchised communities or color, and the way the media conveys information about people of color, contribute to this.
This kind of coping can make you more vulnerable to racism, because on some level you may believe in racial hierarchy and difference when you belittle other groups. And when you show your children that it is right to discriminate against certain other groups, you make them more vulnerable to discrimination that they face.
Minimizing racism
Racism is overwhelming, as is the history of violence. You are sometimes taught that accepting this and minimizing racism is the only thing you can do. But when you ignore racism, and accept powerlessness, you encourage your kids to internalize racism. This can lead to increased levels of depression, anxiety and externalizing behaviors (e.g., engaging in risky behaviors, such as alcohol or substance use).
When you believe that you should be able to handle and manage it all without a break or without asking for help, you are at increased risk for health problems and can miss important cues about your well-being and safety.
Self-blame
Experiencing chronically unfair and dangerous discriminatory practices due to race can lead to feelings of low worth. For parents, this can also lead to a questioning of your parenting choices and abilities.
Unbalanced Racial and Ethnic Socialization (RES)
Unbalanced messaging or communication about race and ethnicity occurs when you only promote messages of mistrust, preparation for bias, or only give racial pride messages to your children.
Strategies to deal with racial stress and practice self-care.
So, what can you do to mitigate racial stress?
As parents, it is important to develop positive identities and share your cultural identities with your children. Positive cultural identity and advocacy are protective factors against racism, which can help to reduce and prevent racial stress.
There are many other ways to cope with stress and everyone has different preferences. Reducing stress can also allow you to model healthy coping strategies for your child. Here are some suggestions you can try.
Build or access a support network
Incorporate traditions at home
Get some exercise
Deep breathing
Journal
Limit your media intake
Counseling/therapy
Spirituality
Podcast
You are not the only person dealing with race-related stress and connecting with other people with similar experiences and feelings can help you to successfully navigate racism.
Talk with family and trusted friends specifically about racialized events that have occurred and how to handle them
Start or join a group with others who may have had similar experiences and similar interests, like a book club that reads books by Black authors, or spend time with other African American parents who have the same concerns you do about how your children are treated at the school.
Seek out activities that you can do with your friends or family (e.g., exercising, cooking, watching a family show or movie together, etc.)
Legislation
Much of the debate today is around gun control. Below are links to two bills currently pending in Congress.
Maternal Depression Support Groups and Educational Resources
On-line
Peer Support Groups & More! Postpartum
Support International (PSI) Weekly Support Groups: PSI facilitates a wide variety of postpartum support groups every week for diverse populations, and all family members.
PSI also staffs a non-emergency helpline for education and support: The number is 1-800-944-4773. PSI also offers a free peer mentor program where Mons or Dads can work 1-1 with a peer mentor once per week for up to 6 months.
Link to webpage for specific support groups, dates and times:
Free peer support groups and discussion forums, moderated by, “Well Mama,” for mothers and families on a wide variety of topics related to pregnancy and postpartum mental health.
People grieving a death often feel like no one understands what they’re going through. And truthfully, no one’s grief is exactly same. But people tell us the help they appreciate most comes from sharing with others who are also grieving a death.
Our children’s support groups are designed around age, type of death, and the connection to the person who died. Parent/adult caregiver groups run at the same time as the children’s support groups. Around 500 children and 350 adult family members come to our groups each month. Each person decides how long he or she wants to be at The Dougy Center.
In the groups, there is no right or wrong way to be. Nobody will tell you it’s time to move on. Or that an emotion you have is wrong or inappropriate. Here, through talking and listening, you’re free to find hope and comfort in your own personal way. Children can express themselves through play, music, art, games, and sharing.
Our unique approach, using peer group support to help people discover their own way through grief, has made The Dougy Center a worldwide leader in the field. More than 500 programs based on our model now thrive in the U.S., Canada, Africa, Australia, Europe and Japan. Our guidebooks assist parents, schools and others who deal with children affected by death, and our children’s activity books provide them an outlet for expression.
In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, The Dougy Center is hosting virtual support groups for our bereavement and Pathways programs. If your family lives in the Portland metro area and would like to participate, please call 503.775.5683 or email help@dougy.org.
At The Dougy Center we realize that:
Grief is a natural reaction to death;
Each individual has a natural capacity to heal from loss;
Duration and intensity of grief are unique to each individual; and
Caring and acceptance assist in the healing process.
Orientation lasts approximately one hour. During that time, adults and children/teens are broken into separate groups where we explain the program. Questions are answered, and everyone is given a tour. Children and teens watch a Dougy Center video produced by the TV program 20/20. The adults learn about how to have a child or teen begin participation at the Center and receive all the application forms. Coming to an orientation does not mean the child/teen becomes a participant. We encourage the adults to allow the children and teens to make the final decision for themselves.
LYGHT Groups – Listening and Led by Youth in Foster Care: Grief, Hope, and Transitions
At the core of the L.Y.G.H.T. program, we aim to raise awareness about how grieving youth in foster care experience marginalization on various levels, create ways to provide trauma-informed peer support to youth in foster care, and promote the importance of moving the child welfare community toward a grief-informed holistic model of care.
“It helps you to feel like you are not alone. They are also going through something as well and you can help each other.” – L.Y.G.H.T. program participant
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